Saturday, April 14, 2007

Shooting in the dark.

I really sympathize with gays and lesbians in Christian families who either very courageously (or recklessly) come out to their parents or are in the more unfortunate cases found out after being caught in very compromising situations. There is something just terribly wrong and horribly sinful about being a homosexual in the entire Christian concept. They tut and tsk, sighing and commenting on the degenerate state of world affairs, where homosexuality and pre-marital sex is rampant, a sign they declare that the End Times are coming. And god forbid if a family member, their own son or daughter, actually happens to be gay.

Which ranks as a foul epithet, a psychological illness, a serious sin, a sign of demonic possession, the devil's own; something that must be purged at all cost. Just something about all that Christianity stuff that displaces rational, reasoned logic with blind prejudice and narrow-mindedness as unshakable as the notion that evolution is garbage and the Big Bang is the devil's own lie. It is for all those reasons above that serve as a sufficient incentive for me to never 'come out' to the family. And I have absolutely no wish to have to undergo something like this on a regular basis.

The similarities are after all unsurprising. You'll hear the same old stuff about Sin, Hell in all its infernal glory, Satan's temptation and the Loss of one's Salvation, Jesus Christ should be your Lord and Homosexuality being a psychological cum sexual disorder ranking somewhere lower than fornicating whores and drug addicts, maybe just a little above your average serial killer. Plus coming out would mean being swamped by 'Counselling' attempts from the entire Chew and Cheong families, an event in itself likely to result in permanent psychological trauma. Not to mention a very possible 'Special Counselling' session by the pastor that would culminate in an exorcism.

So thanks but no thanks. The closest I'd ever come to being involuntarily 'outted' was on the two occasions she came back earlier than expected and there was another 'strange man' in the house. The first with some guy who looked freakishly like Chew Chor Meng back in JC and the second when Sean and I first got together some 5+ years back and we were in the midst of doing it when the dreaded 'Thunk' of the auto gate sounded. What followed was a flurried half min of tossing on clothes and coming up with a plausible excuse on the spot. Which strangely enough went down pretty well with her (army was such a gem for producing excuses: camp mates, exercises, guard duty, extra duty, etc) that on hindsight was probably cuz Sean didn't look so far off in age difference and more importantly I didn't leave any KY-jelly lying around like I did for the first incident.

Something which left her shouting and cursing, then going all depressed and calling my dad who came back and shouted more. Father yelling, waving the well used tube in hand,"You think we're stupid! We know what this is for! Did you do anything with that guy?" *cue. Mother sighing and raising voice in background. 'I'm so upset, how could you do this to us! And bringing a STRANGE MAN back home!* An affair that left me with no choice other than to 'confess' sheepishly that I was simply 'experimenting' with myself (aka 'You were MASTURBATING?') that culminated in a week of house arrest coupled with daily 'counselling' and months of cold war.

Still I think the parents are always in denial, they don't know, they might suspect. Every male friend (be he straight or gay) I go out with or whose place I have ever stayed over at, the Mother never hesitates to ask without fail. "Is that XXX gay? Does he have a girlfriend?" Never 'Are you gay?'. Just is your friend gay. As if by collateral that makes me gay. Which I already am but you see the convoluted thought processes going on behind those words, where two guys going out is a possible prelude to drugs, drinking + sex and three guys make for a veritable orgy. So Nelsonian ignorance and denial remains preferable to the horrific thought that they have a homo who happens to be their son. Not the other way round.

Study session yesterday got scrapped which meant my genuine intent to study really hard ended up with sex in bed and a sojourn to Cineleisure to catch Shooter in the evening. Which incidentally is a really bloody movie where you learn that long sleek sniper rifles and their mini artillery like shells can leave admirable holes in various parts of the human anatomy and can take down helicopters and entire conspiracies. Oh and apparently limbs can get ripped off spectacularly and grade school teachers with shotguns are hot babes. But all in all still a nice bang bang bang action movie.

I have been inspired to study for the Law & Soci for the Family paper. Well I mean study a little harder than the half-hearted attempts I've been making lately. If incomprehensible garbage like the one i turned in for the assignment can fetch an A-, I just need to work a little harder to remember what kind of incomprehensible garbage to spout at the exam. One thing which did deflate the unexpected high though, in classic I-didn't-Type-Out-the-Question-correctly style, I changed 'Causal link' into 'Casual link' and causal is quite different from casual.. even if it is just switching the U and the S around.

Which the tutors harped on repeatedly through out the essay circling casual and replacing it with causal... even going as far to put causal comes from the word 'Cause'. Hello woman, I know what CAUSAL means alright, I just typed in casual. Which really is my own fault anyway. But to rub it in at the end of the paper she wrote: 'You seem to have misinterpreted(grr.. typed wrongly!) the word CAUSAL. Fortunately for you, the substance of your answer renders this misinterpretation less significant.' Aka: Because of your stupidity, you lost half a grade. Sighs.
At least I know what to watch out for in the exams... plus don't start your assignments at 11pm.


Anonymous said...

WEc are who we are- we were born that way. I am straight, but I understand how folks don't accept you if you are different.

Anonymous said...

I didn't know you were caught with KY gel with another in ur place....

Aelgtoer said...

Yep, sad truth of life.
Though I'm glad that in this short 24 years of my life the overwhelming majority of non-christian people I've come across,remain open and rational even if they might not approve of homosexuality on a personal basis.
Thanks for stopping by.

Aelgtoer said...

And yes dear, I was. I told you before but I think you forgot. ^^