Thursday, February 8, 2007

Top or Bottom?

Ah yes the perennial question. I've always been a flex for as long as I can remember, the notion of not confining oneself to a certain 'type' appealing then. After all, putting it in and getting stuffed up are two entirely different sensations that elicit different responses and highs. Weird as it might sound, the orgasmic high derived from being a top (sticking it in) and the orgasmic high from being a bottom (being stuck into) are really quite different.

I'll be lying if I said I enjoy both equally though, something I realised quite early on. Being a Top is fun, the sensation interesting and nice but being a Bottom is incredible, the sensation incredibly intense. Don't get me wrong, it's still nice being a Top once in a while and I can screw when I need to but well getting screwed is what really rocks my socks. I hardly ever cum while screwing as a top unless I'm really horny though as a bottom ah well.. it's just..orgasmic.

So it never bothered me much that I was almost always the bottom in my relationships. It suited me fine, being a Bottom in bed, contrary to popular belief does not make one a passive bed partner, subservient and inactive. It certainly doesn't mean having to act feminine or all sisterly in life, though there are of course those who behave that way and hence the tendency to link the two together. Being a Bottom simply signals a preference for how the person prefers to get off: that he prefers to be fucked. Being fucked does not mean the Bottom cannot and will not take the initiative in bed, anymore than being a Top always means having to be the pro-active one. There is of course an element of vulnerability involved in being a Bottom, though not one that is worrying.

So, it was interesting when I first got together with Sean, a self-declared Top/Flex who professed curiosity at how it would feel like to be a bottom. What puzzled me more was that till we'd gotten together, he'd never done anal with his previous two Ex-es, one of which lasted a year.
"One year, and you guys didn't do it? How come? What on earth did you do?"
"Hrmm just oral lo, 69 and jerk off. That's all."
"But one year! How..."
"Aiya we were young then, so neither of us dared to..."
"JC 2 is young? At that age I.."
"Ya ya you're a pro ok?"
I'm pretty sure he meant 'whore' then, though of course we'd just gotten together and at that stage squabbling is the last thing on your mind.

So naturally when he did ask to be screwed, I questioned him again.
"You sure about this? I'm really more of a Bottom anyway.."
"Ya and I'm more of a Top too, but sometimes, like now, I want you to screw me."
So I did. It was the first time I'd seen anyone cum a little(not the whole works) while being screwed and not realise it and he looked like he was really enjoying it. To some extent, I have only myself to blame for making him a Flex though the flexibility made things really interesting. And I have no doubt he would have forced me sooner or later even if I had rejected him then ^^.

Thankfully, he seemed to be more Top-ish which meant that my soujourns as a Top were generally far and few between except for a brief period in Army(all that exercise..) when I was really horny and agressive and wanted to screw after booking out. Which he found to be a surprisingly refreshing change, though it did lead to some minor terse exchanges when he was feeling Top too and neither of us were willing to budge (ah that silly preoccupation with the need to screw and also the perceived slight to ego(then) from backing down).
"What? Since when did you become so Top? Always wanting to fuck me these days." He'd go when I tried to pin him down.
"Because I really want to."
"Shouldn't have let you screw me last time.. now all you want to do is screw me."
"Who asked you.. You were the one who asked me to screw you that time.. It's too late now."
Then we'd wrestle and sometimes he'd win, sometimes I'd win, the loser getting screwed. But that was then, lately, well for some time now, all I want is to be a Bottom: to be fucked. Like I said, it's just incredibly intense. Incredible, euphoric, estatic, you get my drift.

But what did irk me very slightly then and a bit more, recently, was the weird notion he held that anal was not something which should be done everytime we had an opportunity to be intimate. And I'm not talking about everytime we meet, just the times when the chance to be intimate afforded itself. We definitely don't have sex everytime we meet, sometimes its just for a meal/movie/jog/etc and then there are times when even if we have the chance to be alone together in an opportune setting, there just isn't enough time for a variety of mundane reasons like a lack of time/ need to rush off for dinner, etc. Given that we didn't meet very often to begin with and the chance for being intimate was correspondingly smaller, I could never really phantom his reluctance for anal.

Alright, perhaps my sexual appetite is a little huge and I'm a beast but to me at least, anal is the culmination, the finale of love making that provides a sense of intimacy and intensity which is really not provided by oral. So naturally I quizzed him on that and was rewarded with a variety of answers that I found puzzling and unsatisfactory.
"So why don't you want to do it everytime? I mean we're not like doing this everytime we meet and after all I am the bottom. And you like it don't you?"
Then he'll hem and haw a bit and go. "Ya of course I do, but it's not good for you you know. We can't do it so often."
"Since when is every other time often? And don't you dare tell me it's not good for me, if I don't feel good I'll tell you. I'm not that stupid you know."
And he'll change tack and go, " Ya but is that all that satisfies you? Isn't just being close and cozying up good too? What's wrong with oral?"
Which did always put me in a little bit of a spot cause I had to phrase it properly. "Well, of course I like that too...but you know it's more intimate with anal... and why restrict ourselves when we can do it?"
"Aiya you always want anal... cannot always do it, else it won't be special..."
"NOT SPECIAL>>>?? Whaddya mean... Must do it less often so it becomes special? Doing it all the time doesn't make it any less so...."
And then the conversation would take on various forms.... which might end up in bed or more quizzical looks, frustrated stares, exasperated sighs or stubborn silences.

But this carried on for sometime, he would agree but never really act upon it and after a while sometimes he'd come up with some usual excuse," Hmmm but we already did it last time." "BUT last time was LAST TIME, now is NOW." Stubborn fellow that he is, he would refuse to budge some times. And this is not something one can exactly force. The last straw came on Thursday, fed with the remnants from Tuesday. Then, he had stubbornly refused to do Anal after a particularly wicked finger job which left me ..erm gasping and really horny.
And suddenly, that chap went , "It's not a good day for us today.."
"Huh..." Dishevelled and still not fully cognizant of the immediate surroundings, that statement didn't quite register yet.
"We shouldn't do it, it's not a good day."
" What do you mean it's not a good day? I'm the one getting fucked and it's a perfectly fine day for me, I feel alright. Just screw me." Mild annoyance and horror setting in as the full import of the statement sank in.
"It's not a good day for you, let's do something else.." That stubborn look of his setting in firmly again.
"That's for me to decide! If I don't feel good I'll let you know..I'm not that stupid. Come on..please?" That impending sense of dread.
"Don't want la, I'll make you feel just as good..."And with that he set about with renewed vigour on another part of the male anatomy.
And so I resigned myself to another day of feeling High and dry till he suddenly decided during the second session of fun with lube to ram it in without warning, which while ultimately orgasmic really hurt like hell then.

Then on Thursday, mr Top became Mr Bottom. Which was still fine though the excuse he gave wasn't.
"Hmmm I already did you on Tuesday, today I want you to screw me."
"Huh, why so bottom today, I want my top! Ha ha ok, well we'll take turns then."
"Don't want I'm very bottom today. Anyway you've already had it once this week that's enough."
Which left me flabbergasted. I know my appetite for sex (and A in particular) might be a little vociferous but once a week (if more opportunities are made available) sure as hell wasn't enough. "WHAT?? Once a week? That's not enough, why do you think it's enough..?"
"Mmm, let's talk about that later. Come fuck me." He went in that voice of his. And seeing that he was so bloody horny, I made love to him.
The second time round, I tried to convince him to be the Top, still hoping that I'd get screwed by him but he remained obstinate. "Told you I'm feeling bottom today." Which exasperated me a tiny bit and I decided to redirect that pent up sexual desire elsewhere; after some nasty fingering, proceeded to fuck him hard even though he hadn't quite agreed to it.
But he hardly protested and was incredibly horny, cumming soon after changing to the personal favourite "Plunge" position.
"Wow that was fast...see that position's really intense isn't it?"
"'re so hot as a Top today.."
"Well I did want to be fucked today..but you.."
"Mmm..ah.. shit need to change the sheets later."
"Later...I'm not done with you yet."

So later at night, as we sat at a bench in Taka munching through some buns from the Crystal Jade bakery (which were really mediocre IMO) somehow (I can't quite recall how now) the subject of anal and the optimal frequency popped up.
And I just burst out, "ONCE a week is NOT enough, what were you thinking? We don't meet up very often to begin with, don't do it every time we meet and now you tell me ONCE a week is enough?" (Which was partly the inner primate in me speaking too.)
He looked momentarily stunned at the ferocity of the outburst. "But it's not good for you..." came the automatic, tired sounding response.
Which I attacked with great gusto. "What do you mean it's not good for ME? I'm the bottom. I'll decide whether I can take it or not. If I can't I'll tell you. I'm not that stupid. And it's not like doing it everyday is going to make me incontinent or shit like that.."
"Don't but me. I told you before why I want it and it's not like you don't like it. You DO like it, don't you?" Glare glare.
"Yes I do but isn't it..."
"No, it isn't. Once a day will be the minimum and we hardly meet any way so don't say crap like we've already done it this week ..." (well perhaps I got a liiiiittle carried away)
"ONCE A DAY?? Everyday?" He interjected, eyes widening in genuine surprise and on hindsight perhaps a little horror.
"Well erm.. once a day will be just nice and I mean we can do it more times sometimes I don't mind but ya.."
"How many times do you want it a day?" His eyebrows were raised so high now, I felt a stab of doubt and irritation coupled with a fleeting moment of confusion.
"I mean.. we won't be doing it everyday anyway, even next time, we'll just come back from work and be too shag anyway..but my point is you don't need to restrict or hold yourself back unnecessarily for such stupid reasons...If we want to do it just do it and besides ..err.. I don't think we'll settle for once on the weekends."
"I see, alright."He runs a hand through his hair. "Any other requirements Sir? Shall we sign a contract?"
"I'm bloody serious damn it, stop joking!" Idiot never knows when to stop joking, I think.
"Alright, Alright. I got it, I won't hold back now, I'll screw you everytime now."
"Except when I don't feel good, then I'll let you know.."
"Nah, even then. I'll still do it anyway."
"Ok ok!"

Leaning back he exhales, "You should put this in your blog."
And it is my turn to be surprised. "But why? This kind of stuff is erm.. a bit too personal you know."
" Got to be firm in your resolve to be raped every day."
"No la, just joking. So serious can't take a joke..."
"Idiot! Always joking about stuff when I'm dead serious..."
"But ya, I wasn't joking about the blog part."
"So that I will be.. erm.. reminded about it."
"Don't worry I'll remind you about it.. You can be sure of that.."
He gives me another one of his quizzical looks.
"Ya, knowing you, you will. But just put it up k, so I can read it."
And you threw me a lopsided grin as I swatted you hard on your shoulder.

So, here you go.^^
And yes, I'll never let you forget it.


Anonymous said...

Ha this is freaking funny. In yaoi, the couples will fight to top, while in reality, it seems you guys are fighting to be btm. Pain has taken on a whole new meaning lol

Aelgtoer said...

I think blogger screwed up my last comment. ^^

Anyway you do realise that Yaoi is often highly unreflective of real gay male relationships.:)

We weren't so much fighting to be the btm, more like I was trying to get him to fuck me more then. Like I said, I prefer being a bottom la.

Thankfully, that isn't a problem now. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi, I happen to stumbled upon your blog today and found that I really like your charming personality.

Your post are very poignant and funny as well. Totally enjoyed it.

And I agree with you that yaoi and real life gay relationships are totally different in perspective. Without clear line drawn.

Hope you don't mind me visiting and commenting in your blog. I really enjoy you spirit in life.

Aelgtoer said...

Thanks Kyn, glad my ramblings were able to entertain you. ^^

Do drop in more often and I'll see you around :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your hospitality :D

Shall drop in as often as I could then. Not too frequent tho cuz you might start thinking you have a stalker at hand. ROFL

Nice knowing ya ;)