Sunday, March 16, 2008

Being human.

A paradox. We don't always know what it means to be humane and yet we are often reminded of the frailties of human nature, what it means to be a human, sometimes painfully so.

Which is why we give exes the perfunctory well wishes, with a stiff smile and forced gaiety, to be happy with their newly beloveds even when we do not feel inclined to. Why? Because it's the human thing to do, even if it leaves one a little embittered, that sharp bitter tang lingering in your mouth.

Some people break up with others then rush into a relationship with new partners they'd already been seeing previously or perhaps simply someone who came along. In such cases, the subsequent behaviour of rushing into a new relationship, while unpleasant to the dumped party nonetheless, is understandable in that the relationship never meant much to the first person in the first place.

I'm the one who initiated the breakup here and it's stupid you must be thinking, "This sod dumps his bf then now gripes about his ex finding someone else?"

Yes and no. It's certainly illogical. Humans can be irrational, the mind does not rule the heart. I guess my gripe is this,"If the relationship meant as much to him as he says it was, how could he so readily find another to like and hold in the short span of a week?" It's ironic that the person who initiated the breakup should still be so hung up over the entire affair while the other injured party who said the relationship meant the world to him has been able to move on to another, to get over the mourning in such a short period of time.

I don't begrudge him his happiness, Sean's certainly entitled to that. But that doesn't expunge this lingering aftertaste or make the fact that it's occurred any more bearable. Humans are irrational. Which is why like I told CS, we do what we do, even though it isn't logical and even if we know what's coming up.

We are human, which is why we do the things we do, love the people the way we love, breakup with exes the way we breakup and hurt the way we hurt. Which is also why Itachi poked Sasuke on the forehead as he use to do before collapsing instead of ripping out his eyeballs like he should have done.

To feel is to be alive. To hurt is to be reminded that I once loved. Though that knowledge doesn't make this pain any more bearable.


Jonathan said...

Hey, it's only natural that you feel this way, given that both of you were together for quite a while. It takes time to process the grief/hurt that comes with a break-up, but you will find yourself moving on one day, and emerge from this ......

I don't know you, and may come across as taking liberties here, but *hugz*

Aelgtoer said...

Jonathan: Heh enough with the disclaimers, I'll take that hug anytime. Thanks:)

Let me know how the booze session with your Japanese dude/chick goes:) Not quite living vicariously but you get my drift. ^^

wildgoose said...

I don't think the fact he's dating another means the r/s never meant much in the first place. It could just be that he's on the rebound and seeing another person makes him forget. No need to beat yourself up like this.

My first ex got married 7 months after we broke up (I initiated) despite that he proposed to me to try to reconcile at the point of breaking up. It's illogical but people just have different ways of coping. What he does now doesn't reflect on you.

Ok. I shall not become long-winded auntie but my last word is, I don't think you were being perfunctory in wishing him well. After all, you cared for this person a lot and probably still does. It's just that this is still a difficult period so feeling bitter is normal.

Aelgtoer said...

WG: Hey, thanks for the advice, that's roughly what Aileen told me too.

I guess things are always clearer from the perspective of a level headed bystander.: I'll move on eventually. And no la you aren't a long winded auntie. ^^

sinlady said...

aiyoh - u really gotta move on man!

Suzie Wong said...

I have no good advise. It only reminds me of how hard those experiences been had for me. Altho for a while I have been a happy girl, but it doesn't mean it will last forever. I just hope that when it does happen again, I'll know how to deal with it better, after all, I'm already so....grown (old)

Aelgtoer said...

SL: Ya I know, well I think I am, just had some good ole retail therapy and a DIY job that involved a lot of screwing. Ha ha more on that another time.

Suzie: Ha ha hey I think you'll remain a happy girl for a long long time, after all it's your perspective and how you look at things that count, right?

As for the old bit, nvm lo everyone ages, the key is to age gracefully:)

Jonathan said...

The booze session went very well - 2 mugs of beer, 720 mls of sake and a bottle of shouchu - we had a roaring great time but as we met in what I would call a "conventional" setting, nothing happened notwithstanding the copious amounts of alcohol taken......

I spent most of the weekend recovering from said binge, and have been listening to KT Tunstall, which was pretty cathartic ....and I managed to get out of going for the Good Friday service :)

I trust your weekend was sufficiently liquid! ^^

Aelgtoer said...

Mm sake,haven't had a good one for god knows when.

'Conventional' eh? Pity, you should have planned for a less 'conventional' venue then haha, well at least the company's good.

Hangovers always suck, though i'm usually fine after a day and thanks to that DDR, all I have running through my head are songs like CLOCKS, Always and Too little Too late.

Since I'd already toxicated myself last weekend, I figured I'd give my liver (and wallet) a break this week :)