A Musical Timeline (II)

Soon, this life of Bachelorhood will be coming to an end. The lack of stag parties or shag parties rather, to herald the end of an era do not evoke any feelings of regret. The prospect of going all wild and living the last 'few days of freedom' like the Whore of Babylon which may have been appealing once, is not in the least so now.

There is instead in its place, a quiet but growing sense of expectancy and an effervescent, immutable joy.

Now as promised, the next chapter of my life..

Age of Discovery
(The bittersweet years. Bitter, cause somethings just have to be learned the hard way. Sweet, cause I had so much fun doing stuff I'd never done before.)

March 1999
'Torn' -- Natalie Imbrugia
"I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel. I'm cold and I'm shamed, lying naked on the floor.."

Officially contactable. First pager, an electric blue MTV one. Blasting Fantastic Females CD on the NJC classroom comp. Starcraft LAN gaming at school. Meeting up with Winston at Junction 8, the now defunct Bubble tea outlet, blowjobs at the carpark. Six-hour phone conversations till 3.30 AM. Coming to school zombified. Sudden craze with Chinese martial arts movies.

April 1999
"This is your night' -- Amber
"This is your night, dancing free until the morning light. Together forever cause this is your night and everything's gonna be all right.."

NJC. Everytime it rained, the entire school leaked. Steps so many steps. Chemistry relief tutor (previous top student) trying to explain the concept of molecules or what not. Green and red balls. Blue too. Dunno what the hell she was saying. Zhao-ing (skipping) class to catch movies, meet up for sex or just game at home.

1999
'Hero'-- Miss Papaya
"In the middle of the night, a Hero comes to save me. He's so nice. I'm gonna make him mine. Ah la de da da. You are my hero.."

Talking on the payphone. NJC games day. Setting up stall for the bazaar. Skipping lectures and staying in the library to surf the net/ print things/ read New Age stuff. Bell ringing, end of first lesson; walking past the Principal's office, out the gate.

July 1999
'Oops I did it again" -- Britney Spears
"Oops I did it again, I played with your heart. Got lost in the game. Oo Baby baby, you might think I'm in love. That I'm sent from above. I'm not that innocent!"

Niche - Gay club that catered to the younger crowd; now gone. Flaming Lamborghinis. Slut waiter. Music blaring overhead. Particularly liked this song and it's 'I'm not what I seem to be' message or perhaps I just liked the 'slut' appeal in it. Often tiring (and troublesome at times) that people always viewed me from the wrong perspective, that I was in love and we should 'hook up'. Though it worked to my advantage at times - as far as getting into bed was concerned.

September 1999
'Day and Night' -- Billie Piper
" I love the day, I love the night. You do the things that make me feel so right. My shining star. My shining light. Every day and night!"

Standard top 40 hit then. Niche packed. Sweaty gyrating bodies. Lost friends in the crowd. Got a Black Russian at the bar. Sat down. Trevor came. "Seat (beside me) taken?" " Er, no.." 1 hour conversation. Swapped contacts.

New Year's Eve 1999
'Blue' -- Effiel 65
" I'm blue da ba dee da ba dy da ba dee da ba dy.."

Dinner at Crystal Jade Kitchen(suntec) with Annie. (8.00 pm). Took train up to Orchard. Supremely packed. Everyone told to get off at Dhoby Ghaut. Pushed, shoved, plunged our way through an entire mass of people before finally ending up at Lido/ CK Tang. Bag got squashed by a stupid Bangala. Some (equally stupid) woman shouting angrily,"Dun touch me! Who touched me?" A lot of ang moh girls at the final destination in weird costumes. Angel wings, pointy hats, magic wands. Trudging back to hotel, exhausted and squashed. 1:30 am.

Jan 2000
'All I Wanna Do is to Make Love to You' -- Heart
"All I wanna do is to make love to you, say you will, you want me to. All I wanna do is make love to you, one night of love was all we knew. All I wanna do, all I wanna do.."

Night. Sitting on steps of Marina Square. Work just starting on the 'durian'. Looking out on the bay. Trevor still a little down over last breakup. Long conversation, replaced by a comfortable silence. Trevor's head on shoulder, the weight comfortable and soothing. "But four months is all we've got." "Better than nothing at all." That heart warming glow of utter bliss.

Feb 2000
'Back in my life'-- Alice DJ
"I want you back in my life. Want you back by my side cause that's where you belong.."

Venom. Memorising cousin's I.C. Ghastly tumor-like fixture. Metallic ball affixed to ceiling. Flashing lights. Good crowd, better music. Sitting on sofa beside glass pane; staring out and watching people & cars scurry about like ants on the street below.

March 2000
'Kiss (When the sun don't shine)' -- Vengaboys
"I only kiss kiss kiss when the sun don't shine. Ooh Ooh. You wanna kiss kiss kiss then tonight is fine. Ooh ooh.."

Went with CJ to Sparks..( Some big Canto-beng like club at Taka.) Culture shock. Everything screamed Ah Beng!!! From the weird robotic/vibrator like jiving to the right on cue chants and slogans (which in later years my ah beng campmate demonstrated with startling alacrity) intersperced regularly during the songs. Left shortly and never returned. Big dance floor. Whynot, Taboo, much better ambience. Popular group drink. Jugs of long island tea, vodka lime and bourbon coke. Personal choice of poison: Black Russian, Gin Tonic, Lamborghini.

May 2000
'Summer of 69'-- Bryan Adams
"Standin’ on your mama’s porch. You told me that you’d wait forever. Oh and when you held my hand, I knew that it was now or never. Those were the best days of my life.."

School playing music video of song. Attractive Malaysian scholar singing softly to herself. Eugene always harping ,"Why does she talk to you so often and not to me ah? Why?" One Seven. Pristine yet deliciously tainted somehow. MSM (Men who have Sex with Men) safety tips did not help. Parting ways with Trevor was painful. Couldn't send him off. Went home & cried.

July 2000
'Change your Mind' -- Sister Hazel
"If you wanna be somebody else, if you're tired of fighting battles with yourself. If you wanna be somebody else. Change your mind..change your mind.."

Surfing net in school b4 assembly. Economics. Globalisation. On the phone with K.W. Pool at paradiz. CS LAN gaming. Fire in the hole! Brick red pants from Top Shop. Drinking at Niche with CJ. Coming back drunk. Mom in a fit.

July 2000
'Wonderful Tonight' --Eric Clapton
"And then she asks me, Do you feel alright?
And I say yes, I feel wonderful tonight..."

P's party (I forgot who -probably Peter). Cozy ambience. Slow waltz. Memories of Trevor.

August 2000
'Unforgiveable Sinner' -- Lene Marlin
"..And now she's up there, sings like an angel. But you can't hear those words.. And now she's up there, sings like an angel. Unforgiveable sinner.."

Regret, guilt & eternal damnation rolled into one song. Yet it was hauntingly good. Travelling on train. Classmate's (now deceased) 18th birthday, walking all the way in with a few of the guys and a bottle of XO. BBQ and raucous celebrations. 'It's my life' blasting from the comp.

August 2000
'It's My Life' -- Bon Jovi
"It's my life and it's now or never. I ain't gonna Live forever. I just wanna live when I'm Alive. It's My Life, my heart is like an open highway but friend I did it my way. I just wanna live when I'm alive. It's my life.."

The prevailing theme of that period. Rebellious, adventurous, devil-be-damned attitude and on hindsight downright foolhardy at times. Sometimes, I barely believe I did the stuff I did. But then again If I had to go back, I'd probably do it all over again.
"Yeah, we are so young now, we are so young so young now. And when tomorrow comes, we’ll just do it all again"-- So Young by The Corrs.

Tower records at Pacific Plaza. At Starbucks with CJ. His excited plans on doing his soon to be girlfriend .(NB: he never got round to it--the getting laid part). Venom. Sex at the staircase. Clubbing at Whynot. Visiting those spas, the cheaper Blue Heaven & that considerably upmarket One Seven. Taboo.

August 2000
'I think I'm in Love with You' -- Jessica Simpson
"Boy I think that I'm in love with you. Got me keep doing silly things when it comes to you.."

That sugary period when all was well and everything was working out fine (generally). Weekly Sat lunches with Annie at Anatolya at Far East Plaza. Him cracking up over the word "nut case" over Doner kebab and dessert.

Sep/ Oct 2000
'Wonderful' -- Everclear
"Some days I hate everything
I hate everything..
Everyone and everything
Please don’t tell me everything is wonderful now..."

'2 Faced' -- Louise
"Ow, ow, they’re so narrow minded,
Truth is so one sided,
But honey you rock. (so)

Stop you’re bitching
’cos you’re so sad
Bitching behind my back
Honey, I don’t need that
So kick it to the kerb because
I heard you’re 2 faced.."

Reflective of the unbridled hate and disgust I felt then. Backstabbed. That overwhelming sense of betrayal. False friends. Problems on the home front. Painful memories. Morbid thoughts of splashing own blood on wall before exiting in gruesome glory were entertained. Suicide considered and attempted.
Popped twenty five pills. Awoke with an incredible headache. Never tried, nor will ever try again. You don't live for anyone, why end your life as a statement? Live it and prove your point. (Note: All in all, suicide is a stupid thing, not because it's defeatist but cause ultimately the only one who loses is you.)
New Age: Tarots, Grimoires and the ways of the Wiccan. Much too lazy to carry on with the religious parts, the rituals tedious. Solace in solitude.

October 2000
'Music' -- Madonna
"Hey mister d.j.
Put a record on
I wanna dance with my baby
And when the music starts
I never wanna stop
It’s gonna drive me crazy.."

The sharp dichotomy of life then. On one hand, the rebellious, "Shall have loads of fun since shall probably flunk my 'A-Levels" attitude. On the other, pissed off and upset by certain matters and people coupled with the growing terror that I would end up working at MacDonalds should I Really fail and the Mother stop supporting. As she would have.

Clubbing at WhYnot for last time b4 'A's. Person who tried to get me drunk got drunk instead. And threw up in the cab. Which stank. School became strictly perfunctory. Lost my entire set of clean econs lecture notes in library. First time reading Sloman (the Economics textbook). Poor bugger who stole useless notes.

2000
'Rush Hour'-- Jane Weidlin
"It's so good, better when you're at the wheel. Can't believe the way I feel. It's such a Rush just being with you.. Oo you send me..you take me into the rush hour."

Adrenaline pumping. Fast paced. Catchy. Hooked, the first time I heard it being played over HMV. NIE library. Grappling with statistics. After the last paper of the A Levels: Physics. 67. CJ's place. Venom. Plaza Singapura. Dinner and wine at BBoss.

End 2000
'Can't Fight the Moonlight' -- Le Ann Rimes
"You can try to resist, just to hide from my kiss. But you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight. Deep in the dark, you surrender your heart.."

Grabbing shirt from 77th street. Rushing for Coyote Ugly at Lido. Second row from front. Drinking at Boat Quay after dismal prom. CJ staying over. Finishing the bottle of Martell VSOP, smooth and warm. CJ had difficulty swallowing it.

New Year's Eve 2000
'Let's get Loud'-- Jennifer Lopez
"Let's get loud! Let's get loud! Turn your body to the music, come on people let's get loud!"

Another favourite. The Cell. Golden Village @ Balestiar Road. Sneaking past sleepy old ah pek (uncle). Mildly disturbing. New Year's Eve. Venom Packed. Guy puking in toilet. Long Island T. Last song b4 midnight. Crowd went ballistic & really loud. Hot, Sweaty, Happy. 2001.

More to come...

A Musical Timeline (I)

If there's one thing I learned from the whole Diary-X saga, it's that it always pays to keep a soft copy backup of one's blog/journal entries. At least for the more important ones. So browsing through the old entries on the now defunct Windows Live Spaces blog, I chanced upon the Musical Timeline series of entries. Entries that evoke the different memories and experiences both when they were being written and when read again after close to three years.

The last entry stopped at Sept 2004 and a little updating looks to be in order. On account of the changed circumstances and conditions in which the entries were last posted, the entries will be tweaked considerably and be a lot more explicit clearer. And in light of the fact one is left in no doubt about my preferences, certain aspects should be a lot less confusing than before.

Without further ado, here's the first entry in the series:

Different songs mean Different things to us at different times. Often we place particular emphasis on certain songs at different points in our life. We may or may not ascribe some meaning to the song but it remains something which we relate to at that time. An emblem, a snapshot of our life at that instant. Revisiting these songs brings back memories, sharp and clear, a journey of one's life thus far. And here is mine.

Age of Innocence (relatively)
(The earlier years were blurred, not clearly defined unlike my adolescence possibly because I seldom listened to music then. And when I did it was almost always off the radio.)

1987
Lucky-- Kylie Minogue
"I should be so lucky. Lucky Lucky Lucky. I should be so lucky in love."

Hong Kong. Going shopping with my second aunt (who was young, trendy and incredibly fun then). Bopping and singing to Kylie along with aunt while walking back to the hotel, arms aswinging.

1992
Dream Lover and Hero --Mariah Carey
"Dream lover come rescue me, take me up take me down take me anywhere you want to baby now.."

Chalet at East coast(before the first renovation). Sand in swimming trunks. Running around the airport. Regular visits to Leon's house which we wrecked havoc in, pounding up the stairs and tearing up the garden while our moms sat and gossiped.

1993
I will always love you-- Whitney Houston
"And I (eeee I) will always love you (oooo u) and I will always love (that inimitable warble and of course ultra long note) you..."

Moving into the new house across the road. Planting stuff. Playing with earthworms. Belting out that famous line in parents' bedroom with sister. Parents mowing the garden downstairs.

1994
Girls Just wanna have Fun-- Cyndi Lauper
"I wanna be the one who stands in the sun. Oh Girls, they wanna have fun, oh girls just wanna have fun.."

One of my favourite songs since Primary three, it only assumed significance in Primary six. Bouncy, happy and a tad wild(to me then). Old Thompson Plaza, attending some crappy computer course at Infomatics. Mother telling me the PSLE results.

1994
I Saw the Sign--Ace of Base
"I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes I saw the sign... Nothing's gonna lift you up into the light where you belong. But where do you belong?"

Another favourite. Strangely enough, I always thought it to be Sun not sign, a misconception not corrected till much later.
All those car rides, to and fro from school. Rain falling heavy and hard against the window.


Age of Experimentation (The school bus years)

ACS(I) was loads of fun. It was a major change of environment and afforded a considerable amount of freedom. Remedials and choir practices were convenient & oft-used excuses.

1995
Total Eclipse of the Heart-- Bonnie Tyler
"Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart.."

For some reason this song was always played in those bleary eyed hours of the morning. 6.30 am. Shivering in the cold morning air. A small air-con van, half asleep boys. Nodding heads.

1995
Macarena --Los De Rio
" Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Hey Macarena!"

Purple and yellow Beverly 90210 school bag, tearing at the seams. Air conditioned classrooms. Hanging out at neighbouring void decks with ZW. 'Still life with Sarah' - Our rather attractive & sexy Art teacher who sent the already raging hormones of newly pubescent teenage boys out of control; half the class fantasized of doing naughty things to her in bed. Being neither a pubescent teen nor straight, the whole affair was understandably boring. Oily salty fries. Sudden hug from that senior.

1995
Joseph & the Amazing technicolour Coat( Any dream will do)
"And in the east (echo)
The dawn was breaking (ah a ah)
And the world was waking(ah ah)
Any dream will do (repeat)"

The only musical I enjoyed in my four years in choir, probably cause it was neither composed nor written by Lim Jxx. The costumes were fun. Running around in a frock-like robe and skullcap felt amazingly liberating.
Practice, practice, practice. Sneaking to the canteen for snacks in frock-like robes. Drink stall auntie laughing and saying, "Wa so cute, like a little girl!" Polite frown. Chasing Adrian barefooted backstage. Feet thumping on the cold hard stage.


Age of Awakening

The joy and power that knowledge brings. Puberty, glorious puberty. The wonders of the Net and numerous opportunities it afforded made the Awakening more spontaneous, more gratifying. The consequences of having such knowledge(porn, fact that there were others out there and accessible) and putting it to good use, never an issue.

March 1996
No More I Love You-- Annie Lennox
" No more I love yous..Language is leaving me in silence.."

Last month I sat on the school van. School van. Good ole Bus number 74. 45 mins of dozing off. First ever movie outing with friends. Fair game starring Alec Baldwin and Cindy Crawford. mIrc. Discovering and chatting on GayTeens @ SG (the predecessor of the SGboys channel on MIRC). Computer Lab. Checking out 'Dr Ruth' with Annie and descending into bouts of mirth at her 'expert sexual advice'.

(1996-1998)
Gounod-- Faust(Highlights)
Track 11 " Alerte, alerte...Anges purs"

The first song ever to have such a huge impact. The booming bass and powerful soprano of Mephistopheles and Marguerite entwining each other, each trying to do out do the other as they spiral up the scales with a final joyous epiphany as Marguerite breaks free and ascends heavenward. Uplifting.
Waiting for our turn backstage. Huddled over disc man. Shared ear phones. Goosebumps. Day after the dismal sec 3 finals. Chem 'O' level prac.

Mid 1996
Jagged Little pill-- Alanis Morisette
"Swallow it down.. it's a jagged little pill..It feels so good.. swimming in your stomach.."

Literature project. K's (classmate) house. Books, paper, pen (We started with those on our attempt to start work-But you know how teenage boys are) Proceeded on to his PlayStation one. Then to the Computer for some good ole porn - that somehow changed from tits to dicks, not that I minded. And of course, Bed.

1997
Do You believe in Life after Love?--Cher
"Do you believe in life after love? I can hear something inside me say, I really don't think you're strong enough."

Discovering the amount of fun a pack of cards could provide. Bridge, Taiti, Hearts, Spades. I had my own kakis (similar likeminded addicts). We played anytime: Recess, Chinese class, After school. And anywhere: Classmate's hostel, Library, classroom.

End 1997
Kiss Me -- Sixpence none the richer.
"Kiss me beneath the milky twilight, lead me out on the moonlit floor. Lift your open hand...so kiss me"

Lido. Cineleisure. Neoprints. Lunch appointments with people off GTS on IRC, some good some bad. Bad ones got the boot, for the good ones we went for coffee and more.. One of which progressed from Office to table to carpet.

1998
Prelude & Fugue in E Flat--Bach (by Wolfgang Ruesbam)
Grand, stately, majestic, imposing. If this kind of music was played in church I would go willingly sunday after sunday.. just for the worship session.

Pimples, one of God's incomprehensible gifts to man. Blotters. Conniving sales women out to make commission, selling useless facial products. Library. More Bridge. Ranting against USA govt in history essay. Library. Chemistry teacher selling sweets in class.

1998
It must have been Love-- Roxette.
"It must have been love but it's over now. It must have been good but I lost it somehow. Oh it must have been love.."

Skipping choir practices to catch movies. More lunch outings. Of uniforms and under wears - Peeps with the aforementioned erm preferences. Doing a favour for a lesbian friend who needed to convince her dad she was straight so that she could go on a cruise with her gf. Standing outside the gate. Friend casting a worried glance back at the door. "I dun think he's convinced" She said. "Kiss me, quick!" "Huh?" "Hurry!" So I did. I never knew people kissed oranges.

1998
Dancing Queen--ABBA
"And when you get the chance..you are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen.."

He liked ABBA too. Lido. French documentary. First time making out at a movie. Movie was boring, making out wasn't. Shopping at Far East plaza. 77th street. Starbucks. Venti mocha frapp. With cream. Lots of cream. Cream mm.

To be continued..