Life's a funny thing.

It probably runs in the family. This unpleasant peculiarity of getting together with a loved one, getting so passionately involved in the relationship, making plans, then breaking up at different stages of the relationship. My cousin was the latest victim to follow in the Sister's and my footsteps though it is hardly something to be proud of.

Truth be told, we'd always figured that he'd be the first to get married in the family and beget precocious offspring for my granny who's certainly not getting any younger. For frankly speaking, he was the most 'marriageable' one amongst the lot of us.

The eldest cousin, an affable man who vaguely reminds me of Jabba the Hutt with his ample girth, the faint odour of stale cigarette smoke wreathed about him and his slow...pause..impregnated speech doesn't look like he'll be getting attached soon. The Sister is well The Sister, short of an immaculate conception or a missionary arriving to sweep her off her feet (and not into a certain position mind you), I don't see any progress on that end. There's yours truly and hell would sooner freeze over before I'll have sex with a woman, let alone end up married to one. Then there's the youngest, still in poly, presumably single and ironically the Cousin who'd now probably marry first but whom for now marriage remains a distant prospect.

But I digress. We were pleasantly surprised (my granny especially so) when we found out that this cousin had a girlfriend. There are guys who wear their hearts on their sleeves, guys who would not hesitate to express their feelings and there are others who keep it under lock and key, guarding their hearts with the zeal of a carmelite nun. The cousin was the latter. An extremely private person by nature (like some friends I know haha), the cousin loathed disclosing more than was absolutely necessary about his private life. In fact, his mother only knew he was attached (and had been for a year) when he brought the girl back to the house and asked if she could stay over for a couple of days. Though then again, I can fully comprehend why, the less a mother knows, the better.

She became a regular fixture at family gatherings and soon it transpired that they were engaged (again information was not exactly forthcoming - the facebook stalker of an auntie reported the change in status), he got her a blinding rock that evoked the de rigeur ooohs & ahhhs from her friends and they did all the couple-ly stuff. Like getting a HDB flat, not coupling. I'm pretty sure they didn't wait to get engaged to engage in the latter.

They were by and far as things went, a handsome, loving and compatible couple. Him thoughtful and caring, her radiant and attentive. But who can tell what goes on behind closed doors in a couple's private life, the smiles that belie the insurmountable obstacles faced? None but the parties themselves. For it is in your darkest hour that you are most desolate, is it not? And it was in this same vein that we realised (via the same FB stalking auntie) that things had changed: the change of status, the removal of a friend, the seeming gaiety of a man out to live freely and immerse himself totally in his work.

The lawyer in me can't help but wonder idly about the reasons for the breakup of a relationship so close to that frightful institution of marriage as it were. The reasons for that irretrievable breakdown in the relationship. But I check myself. The reasons so persuasive and compelling for the breakup, at the breakup, are often immaterial when all's said and done. For just like a starving man does not need to be told the reason why he starves, so too it is of little use to revisit the reasons, mentally rehash them one by one after the relationship's gone.

You learn to pick up the pieces and move on. For that's what life is about isn't it? Making what you will of it and moving on. Because if you stay still and stagnate, time passes you by, people pass you by and before you know it, you're stranded, embittered and cantankerous with nothing to show for your pathetic life.

So you move on, even if it hurts because to hurt is to know that you live. Even if it doesn't make the pain any more bearable. I suspect my cousin's faring quite well.. on the face of things at least.

As a friend said while we mused over certain recent events, Life's a funny thing. Indeed. I'm still trying to laugh.

Random Ramblings 7: Resolutions, friends & all things Japanese.

True enough, a glimpse of the previous post is sufficient to cause me cringe. Not that I regret posting it. It served its purpose, which was to exorcise the inner turmoil within. Although it would have undoubtedly taken a longer time if not for friends. If there's something I can be thankful for, it's for the friends I have. Friends who I can trust and rely on, well at least those that are still friends. For those of you who have listened, commiserated, cajoled, consoled and/or kept me company, thanks.

Life's a funny thing. Like I remarked to one of the said friends, how ironic that he was trying to cheer me up with the exact same words that I said to him just a few days earlier to cheer him up. To which he replied ," Yeah. Life's a funny thing." Indeed.

Hard to believe Chinese New Year is a little under a month away. As usual, the festive mood is non-existent though I suspect I'll probably feel more festive in a couple more weeks when the perfunctory CNY shopping and rounds of lunches & dinners commence. The 'ang moh' New Year has passed though and with it came the de rigeur resolutions. Achievable resolutions which I intend to keep. Hopefully. One of last year's resolutions: Being a gym bunny lasted till say October last year? That's a good 8 months for someone who hates weights (and still does).

All three are ongoing right now, learning Japanese, managing my spending and finances and staying fit while keeping to a cool 60kg. ^^ If there's one resolution I fear I won't keep, it's probably the managing the finances part, which really isn't an option if i intend to move out and get my own place. There seems to be an inside joke amongst some friends who are betting I'll either 1. Drop out of jap classes after 1 month or 2. Fail the requisite exam at the end of the elementary course in June. The more generous ones say I'll fail. I'm absolutely heartened by their faith in me. lol.

Perhaps on hindsight, I was a little ambitious when I opted for the 5.5 months intensive elementary course which translates into semiweekly weekday evening classes that span 2 hours per class. I was aiming to finish both the elementary and intermediate classes in 1 year instead of the usual 2 (the advanced classes though are only available on a weekly basis). Well I still am. We'll see how things go. In the meantime, it's been a long while since I've been so studious haha. Though I finally managed to memorise the 50 hiragana characters and the 25 variants for this week's test. Sensei will be so proud. haha.

I realise I haven't talked bout the Japan trip yet. I'll probably do so in a later post or something. Suffice to say, Japan was sooo good. Worth saving up a year just to return the following year. Which is what I'll probably do. After all while the G-rated trip was great (in spite of 2 weeks with the family which can be tiring), I think an X rated trip with booze to boot would be much better. Lol.

And for the naysayers who think the jap learning craze is just a fad inspired by a japophile tendency after returning from Japan. It isn't. It's a life skill. I mean how can understanding anime, manga and jap porn be a fad? haha

09.09.09 (90)

I'm not one for numbers or sequences of numbers for that matter. Geometric Progression was one of the many dreaded topics in the equally dreaded A. Maths back in secondary school.

But even I have to admit 09.09.09, 90 has a very nice ring to it. All '9's and '0's, the first and last single digit integers, a sequence rich in symbolism. A unique sequence for a unique woman. A woman I have always adored and will always adore. An immutable bond cherished for so long which grows more painfully precious with each passing year.

Happy 90th Birthday Mama.

Rain & Respite

It's one of those less coherent entries but I make no apologies for the lack of prose or seeming sloth.

I like it when it rains and I'm at home, when night's fallen and the rain comes down hard and fast. The gusts of wind that flail the curtains, the occasional blast of fresh dampness cool on the face. As the symphony unfolds, rain drumming against the roof tiles, the erratic percussion of droplets on asphalt, skittering across the road like a drunken snake, the breathy sighs as the trees sway in the wind, leaves rustling and falling, torn from their branches to litter the ground like green confetti.

I like it when it rains in the morning, the sky grey and overcast, the insistent patter of rain, comforting and soothing. When all one wants to do is to snuggle deeper under the sheets, to bask in the warm coziness as the cool air caresses one's face, the clean smell of rain fresh in the cold morning air.

I like it when it rains like now.

A little lost bird flew into the parent's room, a little wet and disoriented from the downpour, seeking shelter perhaps though it may well have regretted its choice. Greeted by loud shrieks from the mother and strident shrieks of potential diseases and feathers over her newly changed bedsheets while that woman attempted to trap the poor thing with all things, a pail.

I turned off the ceiling fan, to avoid the wholly unpleasant and albeit gruesome prospect of the poor frenzied bird getting decapitated and bits of bird all over the room. She'd trapped the poor thing meanwhile. Flapping frantically in the pail, it sounded plaintive, stricken with fear no doubt. But she wanted to leave it there. Even though it'll suffocate? I don't care, leave iiiiiitttt.

So I let it out. Whereupon she shrieked and ran out of the room. This coming from the woman who previously bashed roaches with her bare hands. Gack. The poor thing had by this time perched itself on the armchair, looking quite dazed and traumatized.


Armed with a wad of kitchen towels, I gingerly plucked it from the seat. Warm and soft, I could still feel that small bundle of feathers trembling gently even as I wrapped the papery blanket round it. It remained immobile and for a fleeting moment, I was cognizant of this overwhelming sense of vulnerability. For a creature so soft and fragile to be so hapless and at the mercy of this ..thing now enveloping it in what must have seemed like a vice like grip.

So gently, I went downstairs, opened the door, and as it was still pouring, set it down slowly on the shoe cabinet beside the fern. If anything, just to leave the bird beside something vaguely familiar besides the alien and traumatic environment it had just been escorted from.

It stirred slightly but made no attempt to flee, settling beside the potted fern. head slightly cocked, feathers fluffed out. An hour later it was gone, flying off to familiarity and home, amidst the dying rain.

I leave you now with the very apt full version of Blue Bird by Ikimono Gakari. Best known as the most recent OP song for Naruto Shippudden. But I told you before didn't I. This entry was meant to be incoherent.

Blue Bird by Ikimono Gakari




飛翔(はばた)いたら　戻らないと言って
目指したのは　蒼い　蒼い　あの空

You say if you could fly, you would never come back down
You aimed for that blue, blue sky

“悲しみ”はまだ覚えられず
”切なさ”は今つかみはじめた
あなたへと抱く　この感情も
今”言葉”に変わっていく

You've yet to remember "sadness"
Just now began to grasp "pain"
Even the feelings I held onto for you
Are just now changing into words

未知なる世界の　遊迷(ゆめ)から目覚めて
この羽根を広げ　飛び立つ

As you awaken from the dream of an unknown world
Spread your wings and take off

飛翔(はばた)いたら　戻らないと言って
目指したのは　白い　白い　あの雲

You say if you could fly, you would never come back down
You aimed for those white, white clouds

突き抜けたら みつかると知って

If you break through, you know you'll find it


振り切るほど　蒼い　蒼い　あの空
蒼い　蒼い　あの空
蒼い　蒼い　あの空

So try until you break free to that blue, blue sky
That blue, blue sky
That blue, blue sky

愛想尽きたような音で　錆びれた古い窓は壊れた

With a sound like all civility was gone
The rusted, old window broke

見飽きたカゴは　ほら捨てていく
振り返ることはもうない
高鳴る鼓動に　呼吸を共鳴(あず)けて
この窓を蹴って　飛び立つ

Look, you're so sick of looking at that cage that you're throwing it away
Without ever looking back again
That throbbing beat takes your breath away
And you kick open that window and take off

駆け出したら　手にできると言って
いざなうのは　遠い　遠い　あの声
眩しすぎた　あなたの手も握って
求めるほど　蒼い　蒼い　あの空

You said if you could run, you would obtain it
You're tempted by that distant, distant voice
It grasps your far too dazzling hand
Until you pursue that blue, blue sky

墜ちていくと　わかっていた　それでも　光を追い続けていくよ

I understand that you are falling
But still, continue to follow the light

飛翔(はばた)いたら　戻らないと言って
探したのは　白い　白い　あの雲
突き抜けたら　みつかると知って

You say if you could fly, you would never come back down
You searched for those white, white clouds
If you break through, you know you'll find it

振り切るほど　蒼い　蒼い　あの空

So try until you break free to that blue, blue sky

蒼い　蒼い　あの空
蒼い　蒼い　あの空

That blue, blue sky
That blue, blue sky

Coffee and Cupcakes

There is something about a small select demographic group more commonly known as Older Sisters born in 1979. They are at the best of times, mercurial, because they can be saccharine sweet one minute and the resident queen bitch from hell the next. Like walking time bombs, they're primed to blow up in your face anytime, usually when you least expect it. Most of the time though, they remain painfully annoying, though these days as siblings grow up, the physical pain diminishes, replaced instead by a healthy dose of annoyance.

Alright before the brickbats come out, let me just say that this is an extremely broad generalization, even when confined amongst the already restricted subset of qualifiers (ie: Women, Older Sisters, Born in 1979). I'm sure there are nice wonderful Older Sisters born in good ole' 1979 who are like angels to their younger sibling(s) and treat them decently. And they never attempted to whack/smack/hack at their younger more vulnerable siblings back when both were still kids. I'm sure there are. But, this observation about Older Sisters born in 1979 has been backed by personal experience (duh) and an impromptu snap poll I did on my friends who have Older Sisters born in '79.

The experiences were rather similar albeit in a disheartening way. We came to the sad but true conclusion that we were terrorised and quite possibly traumatised by the queen bees in our lives as little tykes. A. got kicked by her sister and was sent flying across the room in a trip that ended in hospital to stitch up the wound, L. got walloped by his lovely sis with her hairbrush when she accused him of touching her stuff, I got scratched and smacked frequently for a variety of reasons that ranged from the petty (making too much noise) to the downright illogical (never follow me- WHACK!).

Then by the time we grew big enough to fight back, they resorted to subterfuge, sabotage and other disingenuous means of carrying on the vendetta. It's an art, they've refined it so well, they can still annoy today and do it so effortlessly. That's how far they've advanced. ^^. Plus they've had more years of practice at it than we'll ever have. It probably started at the crib ( 'Hey look Mommy's not watching, I'm going to pinch him and see how loud he squeals.') but hey they're still our Sisters.

So anyway, the Sister in another of her stunning displays of wealth came home the other day with a KRUPS espresso and cappuccino making machine, which she then proudly showed off with great aplomb.

Her Preciousss.

And she paid $550 plus for it. Just for good coffee in the morning. I was quite used to the UCC Instant Coffee for my before-work-morning fix after hauling myself out of bed but since she's obviously quite loaded, I'll make good use of the contraption when I get back to work. After all, who needs coffee now, when you get up at Noon. But the Sister does pride herself on being a coffee connoisseur. So she was going on an on about how easy it was to use and how she quizzed the salesman and how he could answer everything.

For a moment, just for a moment I was impressed. The contraption after all didn't look very user friendly and prior experience with the superb coffee machine back at the office taught me that effective usage didn't merely entail the pressing of a couple of buttons. But she insisted on doing a demo, saying "You'll love the Cappuccino!" She assembled the thing with great difficulty, even though the manual was just beside her, cleaned the stuff and commenced.

Which didn't turn out very well, apart from inserting the tube too quickly into the milk container which forced out a stream of milk right unto her dress and a corresponding shriek, the milk came out thin with barely any froth. Frowning dismally at it, the Sister complained, "Huh why is it like that one? When the guy did it, it was frothy!" The instruction sheet with pictures and numbered steps still lay beside the box, forlorn and forgotten.

"Did you preheat it first?", I asked pointing at the blatantly obvious Step 1 instruction. Press Steam Button to preheat. "Huh? How? " "Read the instructions.." "You do for me can..." So I did, and ok la it looked and tasted like good Cappuccino. On a side note though, I've never really understood why girls buy all this techie stuff and appliances, refuse to read the manual provided and complain about how difficult it is to use the electrical widget or appliance they just bought. That is till a female friend did that to me one day, taking out her newly bought digital camera then after attempting and failing to perform some function without even glancing at the manual, asked me for help.

"Read the manual la. Instructions are over there." (me)
"Help me la. It's so complicated, I won't understand it (manual) anyway." (her)
"Really, after spending money on something so expensive, shouldn't you at least read the manual and figure out how to use all the functions yourself?" (me)
"No, that's what guys are for what. *titter*" (her)

So guys (the straight ones at least), now you know what else the ladies want you for. That's right, reading manuals and road maps. And as the friend added, apparently if you teach them and they still don't get it, it's your fault that you suck at teaching. ^^

Back to the Sister, if there's one thing we share in common and agree upon, it's our absolute passion for desserts and good, dark chocolate in particular. And she just happens to be good at baking. So everytime she bakes, especially her brownies, chocolate fudge cakes and the scrumptious carrot cake I am always thrilled. Even though the way to a man's heart may not be through his stomach, it certainly makes him a happy (aka sated) man.

This time round, she tried something different, basically making some cup caked version of the usual brownie, filled with chopped roasted walnuts and topped with more chocolate fudge and sprinkled with almond flakes, all done with that 85% cocoa butter based Valhrona dark chocolate. Which for a Chocolate junkie like me is the dessert equivalent of an orgasmic high. None of that crappy 'chocolate' you find so often outside.

The Result... alas gone all too soon.

The Sister unfortunately continues to remain mercurial, it's a fact I've resigned myself to and one she readily reinforces shortly after churning out such heavenly cupcakes, ranting about how the game I installed two years ago on the desktop (City of Heroes) is slowing down the system (when she's been installing all the rubbishy programs which run in the background, along with her 4 GB worth of pictures and movies).

She still pisses me off by washing and hanging her stinky thongs in our bathroom. And I respond by studiously leaving the toilet seat cover up every time I visit the loo. Ah the joys of sibling love and affection.

Salute.

To the one very special woman in my life.
That spunky, obstinate and cheeky woman who does everything with gusto be it cooking up a storm or just sitting down and joining me for a marathon Bleach watching session.
The warmth and affection apparent in every little action.
Happy 88th Birthday Mama!
Love ya to bits.