Wednesday, February 28, 2007


By you I have been redeemed. The paralysis that set in: the inability to eat, think coherently or do anything, lifted. That phone call was painful, excruciatingly so. I cried so hard, ashamed, embarrassed, wretched, never having given careful consideration to how you felt. But it was worth it.... The thought of losing you permanently unbearable, something which frightened me more than anything else. That aching vise like grip in the chest, a pain palpably physical like a gaping hole threatening to consume all into oblivion.

"Don't cry please." You said, tears behind that voice. But I couldn't help it. Face in hands, violent wracking sobs that would not be stopped, the tears flowing freely. And something you said that will always stay with me. "We don't live for ourselves only, we live for each other too just as I live for you and our actions will have to reflect that." So true.

"I'm not leaving you, this is something we have to bear together."
"But I'm the one entirely at fault, you shouldn't have to bear it. It's unfair to you, just do whatever you want with me."
"I'll bear it with you because we face things together, as a couple."

Bitter-sweet. Thank you for redeeming me.

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