Monday, April 21, 2008

Conflicting Complications.

One, afraid to love yet affected by it nontheless. The other, gave it all up on a stirring of the heart but remains in stasis, unable to move on. I'm glad we talked.

In a sense, it was like the old days, some things need not be said, others readily understood. But still there were things we could not comprehend, views that remained unfathomable. But the heart is a quirky thing.

And here we are, two adults unable to really move on, like that part of us died what seemed like eons ago. One, weary of losing another person so important to him and an unwavering dedication to commitment that stands battered but intact. The other, devoid of the faintest feelings of attraction to another, who left to find himself but lost himself in the process.

Conflicting complications. How else would one explain the illogical, irrational workings of the heart, to take joy at the other's singlehood, not out of malice but a sense of relief and yet to take offence should he fall into the arms of another? To the extent where it was frankly raised and confessed that friendship is no longer an option in such a scenario.

For it was once said was it not? To hate a person you once loved because he/she loves again is proof you once loved him/her. Though that colloquial nugget of wisdom can often be readily dismissed as an anthropological observation. We hate because we cannot forget, cannot release willingly and remain embittered that the other has been able to do what we cannot. To move on.

If love is like a naked boy as Ovid once wrote, we clothed him well and brought him up. Then became clueless when he brought back the resident whore and disowned him thereafter.

And so we ended on that note, one confused, the other pensive but both thoughtful and more cognizant of the situation and underlying tensions. We might not move on yet, maybe not even in the direction we want or envisage. Baby steps baby steps for grown men stumbling towards whatever lies ahead.

On a wholly unrelated note, I've found my new favourite anime song, it's the kind that grows on you... or maybe I just like the part about breaking free to that blue blue sky...aoi aoi ano sora...

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