You-nut, I nut.

Sunday service is invariably either incredibly boring in terms of the hallelujah-the Lord-saves-prepare yourself for His Coming kind or the usual mind-numbing hellfire & brimstone eternal-damnation to all sinners, faggots, fornicators, alcoholics, materialistic bastards, (Insert any and every kind of 'worldly' vice that comes to the preacher's mind) type. Today was one of the latter, which really was the norm de riguer style of Pastor X.

His sermon, one of a 'short series of four' *Shudders*, was all about controlling one's thoughts, part of the key to being a 'victorious and Dynamic Christian'. Which basically entailed an entire sermon devoted to the ills of pornography, masturbation, fantasising with lust that leads to fornication and adultery, homosexuality. Even sitcoms like 'Ugly Betty' and 'Desperate Housewives' were not spared in the tirade against all things evil and worldly that degrade our 'moral fibre as Christians'. I'm sorry but the only tangible fibre I deem useful is the kind you get from fruit and veggies, not some prejudicial strait-jacketed view thrust upon one from the pulpit.

Anyway, as the sermon carried on, I noted with some bemusement that a rather uneasy silence had descended upon the congregation. No doubt wondering how many gold tiles got ripped off their heavenly palace cause of that wanking off session the other day. I still find it rich how X equated being a Dynamic Christian (as opposed to being a Defeated one) with surrendering one's 'sexual desires to God.'

Here's what he had to say on the subject of humans being sexual creatures (duh); "We are all sexual beings, that is the truth! But we must surrender our sexual desires to God to live as dynamic Christians! *Pause* We are all sexual beings unless you are a You-Nut (how he pronounces Eunuch). *Another Pause* And there are only three ways of being a You-nut. First way is you are born a You-nut. Second, someone chops off your organs and you become a You-nut. Last way, you become a You-nut for the glory of the Kingdom of God!"

With so many nuts in one sentence, one would be hard pressed to think the man wasn't a little nuts himself. Especially the third way of becoming a you-nut (Eunuch). I'm sorry but why the hell would anyone want to be a Eunuch (much less a nut) for the glory of the kingdom of God? You must be a real You-Nut to want to chop off your nuts and all. Which in retrospect, could be his point after all. I dunno it's just nutty.

Anyway enough about you-nuts because I am going nuts myself. The Boyfriend and I haven't met up for two weeks (largely due to work on my end) and I'm going crazy cause I haven't had any intimate physical contact let alone sex in two weeks. No sex for two weeks and no full-course action for three. As noted by Pastor X, we are all sexual beings. Amen to that (and only that). I'm one too and sadly for him, moral fibre of the kind espoused from the pulpit is sorely lacking in yours truly. Sex with the Boyfriend (the full course kind much preferred ^^) of course remains extremely high up on my list of needs as I am sure it is on his.

So thankfully, we do get a chance to meet up tomorrow (thank god for PLC) and god help anyone who knocks on his door cause ma'am I'm sorry but your son will jolly well not answer the door or you when his dick is in my ass or vice versa. As for the good and very loud Pastor X, I won't be taking his advice anytime soon; I'd much rather be Dynamic in Bed than be a Dynamic You-nut without his nuts.