Soon, this life of Bachelorhood will be coming to an end. The lack of stag parties or shag parties rather, to herald the end of an era do not evoke any feelings of regret. The prospect of going all wild and living the last 'few days of freedom' like the Whore of Babylon which may have been appealing once, is not in the least so now.
There is instead in its place, a quiet but growing sense of expectancy and an effervescent, immutable joy.
Now as promised, the next chapter of my life..
Age of Discovery
(The bittersweet years. Bitter, cause somethings just have to be learned the hard way. Sweet, cause I had so much fun doing stuff I'd never done before.)
'Torn' -- Natalie Imbrugia
"I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel. I'm cold and I'm shamed, lying naked on the floor.."
Officially contactable. First pager, an electric blue MTV one. Blasting Fantastic Females CD on the NJC classroom comp. Starcraft LAN gaming at school. Meeting up with Winston at Junction 8, the now defunct Bubble tea outlet, blowjobs at the carpark. Six-hour phone conversations till 3.30 AM. Coming to school zombified. Sudden craze with Chinese martial arts movies.
"This is your night' -- Amber
"This is your night, dancing free until the morning light. Together forever cause this is your night and everything's gonna be all right.."
NJC. Everytime it rained, the entire school leaked. Steps so many steps. Chemistry relief tutor (previous top student) trying to explain the concept of molecules or what not. Green and red balls. Blue too. Dunno what the hell she was saying. Zhao-ing (skipping) class to catch movies, meet up for sex or just game at home.
'Hero'-- Miss Papaya
"In the middle of the night, a Hero comes to save me. He's so nice. I'm gonna make him mine. Ah la de da da. You are my hero.."
Talking on the payphone. NJC games day. Setting up stall for the bazaar. Skipping lectures and staying in the library to surf the net/ print things/ read New Age stuff. Bell ringing, end of first lesson; walking past the Principal's office, out the gate.
'Oops I did it again" -- Britney Spears
"Oops I did it again, I played with your heart. Got lost in the game. Oo Baby baby, you might think I'm in love. That I'm sent from above. I'm not that innocent!"
Niche - Gay club that catered to the younger crowd; now gone. Flaming Lamborghinis. Slut waiter. Music blaring overhead. Particularly liked this song and it's 'I'm not what I seem to be' message or perhaps I just liked the 'slut' appeal in it. Often tiring (and troublesome at times) that people always viewed me from the wrong perspective, that I was in love and we should 'hook up'. Though it worked to my advantage at times - as far as getting into bed was concerned.
'Day and Night' -- Billie Piper
" I love the day, I love the night. You do the things that make me feel so right. My shining star. My shining light. Every day and night!"
Standard top 40 hit then. Niche packed. Sweaty gyrating bodies. Lost friends in the crowd. Got a Black Russian at the bar. Sat down. Trevor came. "Seat (beside me) taken?" " Er, no.." 1 hour conversation. Swapped contacts.
New Year's Eve 1999
'Blue' -- Effiel 65
" I'm blue da ba dee da ba dy da ba dee da ba dy.."
Dinner at Crystal Jade Kitchen(suntec) with Annie. (8.00 pm). Took train up to Orchard. Supremely packed. Everyone told to get off at Dhoby Ghaut. Pushed, shoved, plunged our way through an entire mass of people before finally ending up at Lido/ CK Tang. Bag got squashed by a stupid Bangala. Some (equally stupid) woman shouting angrily,"Dun touch me! Who touched me?" A lot of ang moh girls at the final destination in weird costumes. Angel wings, pointy hats, magic wands. Trudging back to hotel, exhausted and squashed. 1:30 am.
'All I Wanna Do is to Make Love to You' -- Heart
"All I wanna do is to make love to you, say you will, you want me to. All I wanna do is make love to you, one night of love was all we knew. All I wanna do, all I wanna do.."
Night. Sitting on steps of Marina Square. Work just starting on the 'durian'. Looking out on the bay. Trevor still a little down over last breakup. Long conversation, replaced by a comfortable silence. Trevor's head on shoulder, the weight comfortable and soothing. "But four months is all we've got." "Better than nothing at all." That heart warming glow of utter bliss.
'Back in my life'-- Alice DJ
"I want you back in my life. Want you back by my side cause that's where you belong.."
Venom. Memorising cousin's I.C. Ghastly tumor-like fixture. Metallic ball affixed to ceiling. Flashing lights. Good crowd, better music. Sitting on sofa beside glass pane; staring out and watching people & cars scurry about like ants on the street below.
'Kiss (When the sun don't shine)' -- Vengaboys
"I only kiss kiss kiss when the sun don't shine. Ooh Ooh. You wanna kiss kiss kiss then tonight is fine. Ooh ooh.."
Went with CJ to Sparks..( Some big Canto-beng like club at Taka.) Culture shock. Everything screamed Ah Beng!!! From the weird robotic/vibrator like jiving to the right on cue chants and slogans (which in later years my ah beng campmate demonstrated with startling alacrity) intersperced regularly during the songs. Left shortly and never returned. Big dance floor. Whynot, Taboo, much better ambience. Popular group drink. Jugs of long island tea, vodka lime and bourbon coke. Personal choice of poison: Black Russian, Gin Tonic, Lamborghini.
'Summer of 69'-- Bryan Adams
"Standin’ on your mama’s porch. You told me that you’d wait forever. Oh and when you held my hand, I knew that it was now or never. Those were the best days of my life.."
School playing music video of song. Attractive Malaysian scholar singing softly to herself. Eugene always harping ,"Why does she talk to you so often and not to me ah? Why?" One Seven. Pristine yet deliciously tainted somehow. MSM (Men who have Sex with Men) safety tips did not help. Parting ways with Trevor was painful. Couldn't send him off. Went home & cried.
'Change your Mind' -- Sister Hazel
"If you wanna be somebody else, if you're tired of fighting battles with yourself. If you wanna be somebody else. Change your mind..change your mind.."
Surfing net in school b4 assembly. Economics. Globalisation. On the phone with K.W. Pool at paradiz. CS LAN gaming. Fire in the hole! Brick red pants from Top Shop. Drinking at Niche with CJ. Coming back drunk. Mom in a fit.
'Wonderful Tonight' --Eric Clapton
"And then she asks me, Do you feel alright?
And I say yes, I feel wonderful tonight..."
P's party (I forgot who -probably Peter). Cozy ambience. Slow waltz. Memories of Trevor.
'Unforgiveable Sinner' -- Lene Marlin
"..And now she's up there, sings like an angel. But you can't hear those words.. And now she's up there, sings like an angel. Unforgiveable sinner.."
Regret, guilt & eternal damnation rolled into one song. Yet it was hauntingly good. Travelling on train. Classmate's (now deceased) 18th birthday, walking all the way in with a few of the guys and a bottle of XO. BBQ and raucous celebrations. 'It's my life' blasting from the comp.
'It's My Life' -- Bon Jovi
"It's my life and it's now or never. I ain't gonna Live forever. I just wanna live when I'm Alive. It's My Life, my heart is like an open highway but friend I did it my way. I just wanna live when I'm alive. It's my life.."
The prevailing theme of that period. Rebellious, adventurous, devil-be-damned attitude and on hindsight downright foolhardy at times. Sometimes, I barely believe I did the stuff I did. But then again If I had to go back, I'd probably do it all over again.
"Yeah, we are so young now, we are so young so young now. And when tomorrow comes, we’ll just do it all again"-- So Young by The Corrs.
Tower records at Pacific Plaza. At Starbucks with CJ. His excited plans on doing his soon to be girlfriend .(NB: he never got round to it--the getting laid part). Venom. Sex at the staircase. Clubbing at Whynot. Visiting those spas, the cheaper Blue Heaven & that considerably upmarket One Seven. Taboo.
'I think I'm in Love with You' -- Jessica Simpson
"Boy I think that I'm in love with you. Got me keep doing silly things when it comes to you.."
That sugary period when all was well and everything was working out fine (generally). Weekly Sat lunches with Annie at Anatolya at Far East Plaza. Him cracking up over the word "nut case" over Doner kebab and dessert.
Sep/ Oct 2000
'Wonderful' -- Everclear
"Some days I hate everything
I hate everything..
Everyone and everything
Please don’t tell me everything is wonderful now..."
'2 Faced' -- Louise
"Ow, ow, they’re so narrow minded,
Truth is so one sided,
But honey you rock. (so)
Stop you’re bitching
’cos you’re so sad
Bitching behind my back
Honey, I don’t need that
So kick it to the kerb because
I heard you’re 2 faced.."
Reflective of the unbridled hate and disgust I felt then. Backstabbed. That overwhelming sense of betrayal. False friends. Problems on the home front. Painful memories. Morbid thoughts of splashing own blood on wall before exiting in gruesome glory were entertained. Suicide considered and attempted.
Popped twenty five pills. Awoke with an incredible headache. Never tried, nor will ever try again. You don't live for anyone, why end your life as a statement? Live it and prove your point. (Note: All in all, suicide is a stupid thing, not because it's defeatist but cause ultimately the only one who loses is you.)
New Age: Tarots, Grimoires and the ways of the Wiccan. Much too lazy to carry on with the religious parts, the rituals tedious. Solace in solitude.
'Music' -- Madonna
"Hey mister d.j.
Put a record on
I wanna dance with my baby
And when the music starts
I never wanna stop
It’s gonna drive me crazy.."
The sharp dichotomy of life then. On one hand, the rebellious, "Shall have loads of fun since shall probably flunk my 'A-Levels" attitude. On the other, pissed off and upset by certain matters and people coupled with the growing terror that I would end up working at MacDonalds should I Really fail and the Mother stop supporting. As she would have.
Clubbing at WhYnot for last time b4 'A's. Person who tried to get me drunk got drunk instead. And threw up in the cab. Which stank. School became strictly perfunctory. Lost my entire set of clean econs lecture notes in library. First time reading Sloman (the Economics textbook). Poor bugger who stole useless notes.
'Rush Hour'-- Jane Weidlin
"It's so good, better when you're at the wheel. Can't believe the way I feel. It's such a Rush just being with you.. Oo you send me..you take me into the rush hour."
Adrenaline pumping. Fast paced. Catchy. Hooked, the first time I heard it being played over HMV. NIE library. Grappling with statistics. After the last paper of the A Levels: Physics. 67. CJ's place. Venom. Plaza Singapura. Dinner and wine at BBoss.
'Can't Fight the Moonlight' -- Le Ann Rimes
"You can try to resist, just to hide from my kiss. But you know but you know that you can't fight the moonlight. Deep in the dark, you surrender your heart.."
Grabbing shirt from 77th street. Rushing for Coyote Ugly at Lido. Second row from front. Drinking at Boat Quay after dismal prom. CJ staying over. Finishing the bottle of Martell VSOP, smooth and warm. CJ had difficulty swallowing it.
New Year's Eve 2000
'Let's get Loud'-- Jennifer Lopez
"Let's get loud! Let's get loud! Turn your body to the music, come on people let's get loud!"
Another favourite. The Cell. Golden Village @ Balestiar Road. Sneaking past sleepy old ah pek (uncle). Mildly disturbing. New Year's Eve. Venom Packed. Guy puking in toilet. Long Island T. Last song b4 midnight. Crowd went ballistic & really loud. Hot, Sweaty, Happy. 2001.
More to come...