Monday, January 28, 2008

It Must have been Love.

How does one dismiss six years of relationship? With a wave of the hand? Writing down those years and memories to just a passing whim? You don't. You can't. Not if there's a shred of humanity left in you. For convenient as it may sound, turning your feelings and emotions on and off like a switch is impossible. So you remember and accept that those memories, those emotions, those experiences, will always be a part of your life, bittersweet though they may be.

6 Years 1 Month 14 Days ago, the first time I met Sean, after a month of conversing on the phone, I always knew I wanted him. As a 'BF' preferably (because at that stage, getting attached, to me at least, wasn't something that I agonised over), failing which, 'a friend' with an option for more. Having just broken up recently, he was understandably reluctant. However, neither that nor the daunting task of convincing him to be able to trust and take that leap of faith again were sufficient to deter me. There certainly was a healthy dose of lust but lust was a cruel master I was familiar with; one that promises much but delivers little and this was different. The feelings and attraction were mutual and with gusto and great determination I pursued, that one goal in mind.

What happened next as they say is history. The first six months were blissful. I was happy and truly truly in love. In fact as I told Sean, if during those first six months I had to die for him, I would have had done so willingly without a moment's hesitation. Cheesy or corny as it may sound now, the intentions and feelings were genuine, that was how unshakeable and concrete my love for him was.

Then somewhere, somehow along the way, the love that I'd once so unflinchingly stood by petered out. It's always sad when love dies, doubly so when it occurs inspite of the lack of any extraneous factors or fault of either party. And much as I tried, my subsequent efforts to resurrect it in its original form never really succeeded. I don't know, I'm so drained. Even typing this entry took a little over 6 hours after incorporating work.


It must have been love. But it's over now..

It must have been Love - Roxette.

Lay a whisper on my pillow
Leave the winter on the ground
I wake up lonely, is there a silence
In the bedroom and all around

Touch me now, I close my eyes
And dream away...

It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out


Make believing we're together
That I'm sheltered by your heart
But in and outside I turn to water
Like a teardrop in your palm

And it's a hard winter's day
I dream away...

It must have been love, but it's over now
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
It must have been love, but it's over now
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows

It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out.

2 comments:

sinlady said...

i can say to you take all the time you need to grieve the loss xox

virtual1979 said...

Love needs a break sometimes. Go for a walk, take a breath of fresh air, do something different, indulge yourself, see new things, learn new stuff.. we all need distractions from time to time, even from that crazy thing known as Love.

When you're feeling better, try listening to Joyride by Roxette. It's therapeutic ^^

cheers from malaysia