Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Bedtime Story

Today I will tell you chums a bedtime story to alleviate a little of that boredom that comes hard on the heels of reading Criminal Procedure. A story plagiarised wholesale from one of the mother's comprehension passages for 10 year old tykes, tweaked a little for unwholesome entertainment. And you wonder what sort of stuff kids are thought these days.

The fat Bitch and the Dumb stud.

A very beautiful girl lived in a small country town. She had red lips, golden hair and blue eyes, a slim figure and a soft, gentle voice. (Not Pamela Anderson kind of Blond, more like Cinderella or what not.) A young man lived in the same street. He loved her very much and he wanted to marry her. He went to the girl and asked her to be his wife.

"Pooh!" she said unkindly, "You are not good enough for me. I am too beautiful for a man like you. But I will marry you if you give me a diamond ring.' The young man went away and worked hard for many years. At last he saved enough money to buy the girl a diamond ring."Here is your ring," he said. "Now will you marry me?'' "Yes," the Girl said, "But first, you must get a fine house for me to live in. I am too beautiful to live in a small house.'' The young (dumb) man went away and worked harder than before. At last, he had enough money to buy a fine house.

"I have gotten a fine house for you to live in," he said to the girl. "Now will you marry me?'' "Yes," said the girl, "but first you must buy me beautiful clothes to wear. I am too beautiful to wear ordinary, rough clothes (bitch bitch bitch)." The young man went away and worked harder than ever. He bought beautiful branded clothes for the girl and went to see her again. "Here's the LV you asked for " he said. "Now will you marry me?"

"No" the girl bitch said. "A very wealthy merchant has come to live in the town. He has much more money than you will ever have. People say he is looking for a wife. When he sees me, I know he will want to marry me. I am the most beautiful girl bitch in the town." The Young (and dumb) man was very sad (Duh) when he heard this. He was also very angry (about time) with the girl, but he said, "Very well. I love you and want you to be happy, so I will help you marry this man (I love you, so you can sleep with my best fugly STD-ridden mate)." Then he went away.

A few days later he came to the girl's house again. "I have talked to this merchant," he said. "You are right. He is very wealthy. Many people say he is the richest man in the country. But he is a strange man. He does not like slim girls with golden hair. He likes fat girls with very short black hair. He is also a little deaf. Your voice is too soft. If you want to marry him, you must learn to speak louder.''
"Then it will be easy for me to marry him," the girl bimbotic bitch said. "I shall cut my hair and make it black. I shall eat and eat until I am very fat. And I shall practice speaking in a loud voice." ''Yes"said the young (dumb) man. "That is what you must do.' And he went away.

In a small country town there lives a very fat girl with short black hair and a very loud voice. Nobody wants to marry her.

And the moral of the the story?

  1. Beautiful Blonds that look like Cinderellas are really bimbotic, bitchy, Bling bling grabbers.
  2. Young Men who chase after the above mentioned category of girls are better off blowing their hard earned money on Postal Brides. Or on more appreciative male partners.
  3. Fat girls with short black hair and a loud voice are destined to be confined to the rubbish bin of spinsterdom. Unless she's lesbian.