Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A Little Less Conversation.

Seasons change, people change. Though as is often the case in relationships or friendships, sometimes people don't change, it's about discovering the person for who he or she truly is. Their ideals, principles, attitude towards friends and life in general, the person's core. For better or for worse, time and closer interaction with the person (almost always because you're interested to know the person better as a friend or in the case of a lover, your companion) inevitably reveals the core of the person.

And sometimes it's not pretty, certainly not what we expected. Because like it or not, we often either consciously or subconsciously impose our own pre-conceived ideas of a person's character on that person and attribute reasons for his/her conduct based on our perception of that person; even if we profess to accept the person for who he/she really is. We assume that a person would behave in a certain manner perhaps even remotely rationally (now surely that's not too much to ask) based on our pre-conceived notions, observations and general experience interacting with other human beings.

The problem may be summed up thus: we presume based (mostly) on rational observations when in reality sometimes we are unaware of the true nature of the person in question. The person's core self so as to speak. And when we discover it, it can either be a pleasant surprise or a rude jarring shock.

Humans are not perfect. No one is. A perfect world with perfect people all doing objectively perfectly acceptable things, pleasant though it may sound, would be a fucking boring place. Even fucking may be a civil affair. So naturally friends (like yourself) are imperfect. There will always be things about friends that annoy you. Little idiosyncrasies or habits which irk and irritate but things which we are of course able to accept and overlook as part of the entire package known as your friend. You might hate the habits or quirks but you still like them as friends. God knows you're no bloody angel yourself.

There are however certain fundamentals issues or principles you live by, tenets of your interaction with friends and loved ones that are central to your very existence. These principles and beliefs are so fundamental that you will brook no breach of them and a person whose ideas/principles run counter to the same principles is someone you can never be closer to than on an acquaintance level. Not quite anathema though I guess for certain people, certain principles are so deeply cherished that a person who falls afoul of them may be dead for all they care.

I'm talking about general universal principles such as loyalty, trust, etc. You get my drift. Though these principles will invariably vary from individual to individual. I'm a man of few principles (haha much too tiring to keep track of) and I think individuals with a load of principles are no more principled (pun fully intended) than individuals who happen to be more scrupulous with their principles.

So one of my principles is I'd expect a friend, a close one especially, to be consistent. And when I mean consistent, I mean be consistent in your treatment towards other people based on their conduct/character and your friends in particular. Also please be rational. Naturally, it's fine to be emo sometimes, to be under the weather or what not. Like I said we aren't saints. You would certainly however expect more consistency from a close friend and the unspoken understanding that you don't treat that friend based solely on your mood especially when your fucking mood/reaction has absolutely fucking nothing to do with that friend.

That presumes the person is rational in his/her thought processes, can articulate his/her reasons for their conduct and express logical explanations for his/her quirky beliefs. A presumption that sometimes, it appears, is to much to expect or even hope for. There is always a limit to how much communication can do. And when communication fails, all there's left is arrivederci.

Just talking about this just pisses me off. Sometimes, the problem isn't about others or how you perceive others to jettison you simply because of your falling out with another. To reach such a conclusion speaks volumes of your regard and perception of the person who 'jettisoned' you. Superficial & threadbare. Perhaps it's time to take a good look at yourself and realise that most people appreciate some consistency in treatment in a friendship. Certainly not being subjected to the mercurial mood swings for vacuous matters unknown even to yourself that somehow gets redirected to your clueless friends.

It's always sad when a close friendship which you really valued turns out to be vacuous and devoid of amity. But I've said it before. I have no time for the insolent, the inconsistent and the consistently mad. Life's short enough as it is. Like I told a friend, once (the first time something serious happens) I close one eye, twice I close two eyes, thrice you go and die. And once you're dead to me, you'll always be.

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