Saturday, February 21, 2009

Random Ramblings 2 - Outing

Sometimes, after a particularly long day at work or when the mind feels lazy and languid, enshrouded by the stupor of inertia; incoherency and the lack of need to write in perfect prose is a liberating luxury I often embrace. The ability to ramble without paying attention to form and format, blogging in its unadulterated form, raw and rough around the edges. It might be not be pretty or a lyrical piece of crap but you can be sure that it's a heartfelt piece of crap. It's certainly not a Brain Fuck so don't expect one.

And it's for this precise reason, those times when being gloriously incoherent and shamelessly insipid is an irresistible attraction and talking about the randomest things doesn't seem so heinous; that I've started the Random Ramblings segment. For all the random things I'll ever need/want/have to ramble about.


One of the perennial problems confronting your average gay guy at the start of his journey is 'Just how Out/open should I be?' How that gay guy responds sets the tone for his future interaction with fellow human beings, particularly the straight crowd but at times even other members of the same sexuality. And it is a question which every gay guy continues to face throughout the course of his life. The answer often changing at various stages throughout his journey till an equilibrium is reached and the person truly satisfied. Some never reach this equilibrium, some are in a permanent stasis, some remain closeted, forever in denial.

Most usually start out a little hesitant, conservative and toe the act straight look straight be straight line. None but the closest friends and their sexual partners know. But as we progress, experience more, our perceptions change, we become more comfortable with 'outing' ourselves to various groups of people, less likely to conform to the societal notion of conventionally acceptable heterosexual behaviour and interests. Some stoically refuse to change on the ground that privacy is paramount and prefer living separate lives. Others, as mentioned, for reasons best known to themselves remain closeted, confused or in denial. To each his own.

Though, I have found through personal observation and interaction that the confused, closeted and those in denial almost always never find or are able to settle down with someone whom they can call their own in a fulfilling relationship. As it is, it's already hard enough for those of us comfortable with our sexuality to find a suitable partner. Remaining single for the rest of our lives is for many a gay guy a veritable nightmare which they would never openly admit to.

While many lament the prospect and declare that they have resigned themselves to a future of singledom and eternally cold beds, just how many would be content to remain truly single? For is it not human nature to want to share your life and experiences with another? To love and be loved. And it is with great cynicism that I view declarations that relationships are immaterial and unnecessary. For they are not and such declarations only serve to expose the naivety of the person making such statements.

I do not know about you. But I find confident, open guys who are comfortable with their sexuality infinitely more attractive than confused, closeted ones who remain close and guarded.


Anonymous said...

I truly agree with you that a person who's comfortable with their sexuality's the most attractive and charming. It's highly sexy to know what one wants ;)

What's more liberating than being able to be yourself and speak your mind? (P/s: that's what drawn me to your blog. I respect that in you and applaud your courage in standing firm by your beliefs/principles)

Aelgtoer said...

Thanks Kyn, I mean sexiness also depends on other factors but i guess the baseline is if you aren't even comfortable with yourself, how do you expect others to attracted to you right? :)