Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Moving on

The short reprieve at Bangkok is nearly at an end and I must admit it has been an eye-opener. In more ways than one. And I'm not just talking about staying near the flashy but sleazy Patpong district, with the glitzy neon lights, the pushy mamasans or hustlers who go "tiger show tiger show?" (it was only a day later that I realised they meant Thai Girls) and clutch one's arm insistently while attempting to divert one to the nearest bar/show/club.

Nor simply about the massage parlors or agogo bars (naturally the boy bars were a lot more appealing to yours truly), where boys were paraded on stage like bits of merchandise and the shows ran the full gamut from downright explicit displays that leave nothing to the imagination to pseudo-street art (think hip hop with vigorous hip thrusting and in various stages of undress) to vulgar comedy. All in all a different side of Bangkok from the usual sanitized pig out and shop till you drop routine

The trip with the Ex was on hindsight not a very good nor smart idea. But it was decided some time ago and it was still a break. I won't deny that we, and I in particular (though he did appear to agree then), envisaged that it wouldn't be a wholly innocuous trip. There was still that tension and the unspoken understanding that anything could happen and it was to be a see-how-it goes kind of affair.

It was strange, that artificial veneer of normality, of flatly denied tension in the name of fate and choice, of solo activities that saw the both of us doing what we wanted, when we wanted. It was almost like we were two strangers sharing the same hotel room, the same bed. And if anything this trip has made it crystal clear that this is the end, the page has turned on this particular chapter of our lives and any remaining stray feelings brutally extinguished.

More things came up about his ONS, the current version a far cry from the much milder toned down one he proffered earlier. His reasons for doing so, the tenderness of the other person etc. Whatever. As he said, he made his choice the moment he had his ONS or MNS rather.

And yes the one thing I'm thankful for this trip in spite of all the strange, awkward moments, is the brutal finality with which its allowed me to move on.

And with that I dedicate this last song to you, no need to discover the truth behind your eyes, no need to struggle to leave the past behind, for sooner or later, you'll be the last thing on my mind. Without a doubt.




The Alan Parsons Project - Sooner or Later

Oh what a price we pay
For the things we say
And the closer I get to you
The further you move away

All the lies we tell
In the games we play

And the longer I think it over
The harder it is to stay

Sooner or later I'll be free
To leave the past behind
Sooner or later you're gonna be
The last thing on my mind

Little by little I'm finding out
The truth behind your eyes
Maybe if I don't show
I thought you might like to know
You're gonna be the last thing on my mind

You didn't want to know
I could have told you so
But the moment I think it's over
The further there is to go
Just a little word
Such an easy way
But the longer I think about it
The harder it is to say

Sooner or later I'll be free
To leave the past behind
Sooner or later you're gonna be
The last thing on my mind
Little by little I'm finding out
The truth behind your eyes
Maybe if I don't show
I thought you might like to know
You're gonna be the last thing on my mind

7 comments:

wildgoose said...

hurray for a new chapter in life. :)

Aelgtoer said...

For better or worse, thanks :)

Was thinking of *finally* picking up Yoga and was looking through some of the available courses at your practice place.

What form of Yoga would you recommend? I once attempted a bit of Iyengar Yoga after I grabbed a book on Yoga at a book sale. It was fun but the more advanced ones were undoable. ^^

wildgoose said...

I practise Iyengar yoga so I'll definitely say "Iyengar"! haha... but really, I say so cos I think the approach teaches a good foundation. And the emphasis on alignment prevents injury. You can try my teacher's sunday class at 9am cos I don't know when she's starting her intro class. You might want to register interest. She will start slow if there's beginners. And she taught us headstand only after one year so don't worry. ;)

But different styles and different teachers style appeal to different ppl so you might want to try classes with the flexible card. Check out the Schedule page for the intro classes. Have fun!

Aelgtoer said...

Hmm but isn't your teacher the only one who teaches Iyengar? I'll probably go for the flexible kind myself not because I want variety but due to the likelihood of something popping up at work at any given day/time of the week.

The schedule for her intro classes haven't started yet but yep I'll be sure to check it regularly. Thanks!

sinlady said...

the last goodbye and free at last? yes!!

Jonathan said...

Just came back from a pretty long overseas trip (work/holiday) so this comment is way late - probably not the best idea to travel with your ex, but it would seem that it provided you with the sense of finality that you needed to get on with your life, which, as a by-product, is good....

I must say your choice of song is great, and it did go some way in exorcising certain lingering demons in the past for me - thanks!

Aelgtoer said...

I guess, I mean we all do need to move on.

As for the song, glad you found it incredibly apt too, whoever said music therapy doesnt help? ^^