Gay Sex: An Anthropological Observation.
"So when are you gonna ask me to fuck on down?" G asked, over Msn.
"Fuck on down?" I enquired, feigning ignorance for what must have been the umpteenth time.
"Meet to fuck la. Ask you how long already." came the annoyed reply.
"Aiya busy la. Let you know ya?" I went before returning to the outrageous antics of Edina and Patsy on Absolutely Fabulous.
This recent conversation is increasingly representative of the current state of my non-existent sex life- a reluctance to meet up and fuck. An explanation is in order. G, whom I first knew about 6 months ago is an above average dude in the looks department, not hot but certainly not ugly either. Like one of the many guys I'm still in contact with these days, just not one I die die must sleep with. So I don't.
It's been almost 8 months since I last had sex. In the world of testosterone fueled, cock worshiping gay men, that's an eternity. Or in my world at least. Eight years ago (or so) when a raging hard-on could be summoned by something as simple as a single touch, a lewd piece of literature or eye contact with a hot guy; the current state of affairs would have been unthinkable and wholly unacceptable.
After all gratification was simply a mouse click or phone call away. Perhaps many clicks away along with the perfunctory chat ups but nothing a phone call and picture couldn't settle. Back when the sex drive was ridiculously high. Fast forward to the present day, the Siren's call to get laid has certainly been tempered somewhat by an assortment of factors such as the maturity that comes with age (and tamer hormones), the diminished returns in pleasure derived from a purely physical activity devoid of any emotions other than release and gratification and the perceived inconvenience of arranging such meet-ups.
Don't get me wrong, I still love sex and it's certainly one of the more enjoyable activities (assuming it's decent sex) one can engage in with a person that one isn't that well acquainted with provided both of you can find the time and place to do so. That said and done, these days I'm starting to find that sex is, in someone's words, 'not worth the trouble'. These days gratification is obtained almost entirely from porn and good old masturbation. While hardly as intense or possibly gratifying as a good fuck, jerking off remains fast, safe and entirely personal without the hassle of having to meet up and engage in the requisite pre & post-coital small talk.
After all, with the exception of friends who fuck or Fuck Buddies whom contrary to popular belief are few and far between, you never know what's going to end up on your platter when you meet up. The vast majority are average or satisfactory, some are spectacularly orgasmic while others like Mr Bad Sex are an abysmal letdown. The kind that make me wish I'd settled for Vilem Cage and a wad of tissue paper instead.
However, apart from an exposition on the the pros and cons of fucking in the flesh as opposed to wanking off, I've found it deliciously ironic how topsy turvy the average gay guy's view on sex, or at least mine in particular, appears to have become. Looking back on my sexcapades, I'm amazed by a fair number of the guys that I slept with. Those that I recall sleeping with, that is. And when I say amazed, I mean the "Why on earth did I sleep with a guy like that?" and not " Oh my god, he was such a hot stud." kind of amazed.
Not that the said guys were ogres or freaks. Even in those testosterone driven years where a turgid member of the anatomy was the de facto seat of reason, I still had certain standards or requisites. But those guys were certainly not people I'd meet up with for a fuck these days. In typical ab-fab lingo, guys I'd not even get out of bed to meet let alone fuck.
Which invites the inevitable conclusion that my expectations or standards then for guys I'd ONS/MNS with were a lot lower than now. Though I guess it can always be argued that on hindsight, the dispassionate recollection of the lackluster guys I bonked and the sex I had doesn't take into account the consuming lust of youth and the rose tinted view of wild, rambunctious sex and pleasurable gratification.
Strangely enough, casual conversations with some gay friends who used to be equally salacious and have now toned down considerably, revealed similar experiences. And the irony is this, that as we age (and become arguably less 'attractive' as youthfulness is generally inextricably linked to good looks and attractiveness), gay guys become more demanding and considerably pickier about the guys we sleep with.
In contrast, when we were younger and arguably more attractive by virtue of our youthfulness, we were less discerning and more inclined to sleep around with other guys for the sake of physical gratification. Mind you, I'm just talking about the superficial physical, sexual attraction between gay guys, not the attraction & bond between 2 gays in a serious relationship. Youthfulness while often associated with immaturity, an obvious flaw in a relationship, is often an intoxicating allure for no-strings-attached flings.
On the flip side of things, youthfulness or good looks are not the only pull factors for flings, money and financial stability too possess an allure of their own. On the pain of sounding horribly banal (which the truth often is), aging gays, ghastly as the term may sound, can still remain attractive by reason of their financial status and the expected attendant benefits that come with such status,something that a younger gay guy may not be able to provide.
It's funny, to behold this topsy turvy state of affairs and mindset though I have reason to suspect that it is this precise mindset and attraction that promotes in some way, a symbiotic ons/mns relationship between older gay guys and their younger counterparts. A relationship or interaction if you prefer, from which both parties benefit.
The older guys get the hot fucks, virility that might remind them of their younger days along with the good looks while the younger gays get the more experienced guys, presumably more mature and with the money to back it up.
And for those in limbo? Neither young nor uncaring enough to be able to bank on their youthfulness and less caring of who they get off with; yet not really old with moola to throw around?
Porn's the word and inertia the action of the day. All because they're more discerning than their younger counterparts and less desperate than the older ones. And with that I think I managed to offend all gay guys not within the ages of 25 to 29. Ha ha, I'm kidding.
On a serious note, it'd be interesting to see how long the current state of affairs continue. And if all else fails (because no one ever gets younger), one can always make the best of the situation and be Fit and Fabulous while attaining financial security.
Repeat it with me now: I am Thin and Gorgeous! Now make sure you at least have the semblance of the former before saying it. Certainly if you intend to plant anyone's hands on your waist. Haha.
"Fuck on down?" I enquired, feigning ignorance for what must have been the umpteenth time.
"Meet to fuck la. Ask you how long already." came the annoyed reply.
"Aiya busy la. Let you know ya?" I went before returning to the outrageous antics of Edina and Patsy on Absolutely Fabulous.
This recent conversation is increasingly representative of the current state of my non-existent sex life- a reluctance to meet up and fuck. An explanation is in order. G, whom I first knew about 6 months ago is an above average dude in the looks department, not hot but certainly not ugly either. Like one of the many guys I'm still in contact with these days, just not one I die die must sleep with. So I don't.
It's been almost 8 months since I last had sex. In the world of testosterone fueled, cock worshiping gay men, that's an eternity. Or in my world at least. Eight years ago (or so) when a raging hard-on could be summoned by something as simple as a single touch, a lewd piece of literature or eye contact with a hot guy; the current state of affairs would have been unthinkable and wholly unacceptable.
After all gratification was simply a mouse click or phone call away. Perhaps many clicks away along with the perfunctory chat ups but nothing a phone call and picture couldn't settle. Back when the sex drive was ridiculously high. Fast forward to the present day, the Siren's call to get laid has certainly been tempered somewhat by an assortment of factors such as the maturity that comes with age (and tamer hormones), the diminished returns in pleasure derived from a purely physical activity devoid of any emotions other than release and gratification and the perceived inconvenience of arranging such meet-ups.
Don't get me wrong, I still love sex and it's certainly one of the more enjoyable activities (assuming it's decent sex) one can engage in with a person that one isn't that well acquainted with provided both of you can find the time and place to do so. That said and done, these days I'm starting to find that sex is, in someone's words, 'not worth the trouble'. These days gratification is obtained almost entirely from porn and good old masturbation. While hardly as intense or possibly gratifying as a good fuck, jerking off remains fast, safe and entirely personal without the hassle of having to meet up and engage in the requisite pre & post-coital small talk.
After all, with the exception of friends who fuck or Fuck Buddies whom contrary to popular belief are few and far between, you never know what's going to end up on your platter when you meet up. The vast majority are average or satisfactory, some are spectacularly orgasmic while others like Mr Bad Sex are an abysmal letdown. The kind that make me wish I'd settled for Vilem Cage and a wad of tissue paper instead.
However, apart from an exposition on the the pros and cons of fucking in the flesh as opposed to wanking off, I've found it deliciously ironic how topsy turvy the average gay guy's view on sex, or at least mine in particular, appears to have become. Looking back on my sexcapades, I'm amazed by a fair number of the guys that I slept with. Those that I recall sleeping with, that is. And when I say amazed, I mean the "Why on earth did I sleep with a guy like that?" and not " Oh my god, he was such a hot stud." kind of amazed.
Not that the said guys were ogres or freaks. Even in those testosterone driven years where a turgid member of the anatomy was the de facto seat of reason, I still had certain standards or requisites. But those guys were certainly not people I'd meet up with for a fuck these days. In typical ab-fab lingo, guys I'd not even get out of bed to meet let alone fuck.
Which invites the inevitable conclusion that my expectations or standards then for guys I'd ONS/MNS with were a lot lower than now. Though I guess it can always be argued that on hindsight, the dispassionate recollection of the lackluster guys I bonked and the sex I had doesn't take into account the consuming lust of youth and the rose tinted view of wild, rambunctious sex and pleasurable gratification.
Strangely enough, casual conversations with some gay friends who used to be equally salacious and have now toned down considerably, revealed similar experiences. And the irony is this, that as we age (and become arguably less 'attractive' as youthfulness is generally inextricably linked to good looks and attractiveness), gay guys become more demanding and considerably pickier about the guys we sleep with.
In contrast, when we were younger and arguably more attractive by virtue of our youthfulness, we were less discerning and more inclined to sleep around with other guys for the sake of physical gratification. Mind you, I'm just talking about the superficial physical, sexual attraction between gay guys, not the attraction & bond between 2 gays in a serious relationship. Youthfulness while often associated with immaturity, an obvious flaw in a relationship, is often an intoxicating allure for no-strings-attached flings.
On the flip side of things, youthfulness or good looks are not the only pull factors for flings, money and financial stability too possess an allure of their own. On the pain of sounding horribly banal (which the truth often is), aging gays, ghastly as the term may sound, can still remain attractive by reason of their financial status and the expected attendant benefits that come with such status,something that a younger gay guy may not be able to provide.
It's funny, to behold this topsy turvy state of affairs and mindset though I have reason to suspect that it is this precise mindset and attraction that promotes in some way, a symbiotic ons/mns relationship between older gay guys and their younger counterparts. A relationship or interaction if you prefer, from which both parties benefit.
The older guys get the hot fucks, virility that might remind them of their younger days along with the good looks while the younger gays get the more experienced guys, presumably more mature and with the money to back it up.
And for those in limbo? Neither young nor uncaring enough to be able to bank on their youthfulness and less caring of who they get off with; yet not really old with moola to throw around?
Porn's the word and inertia the action of the day. All because they're more discerning than their younger counterparts and less desperate than the older ones. And with that I think I managed to offend all gay guys not within the ages of 25 to 29. Ha ha, I'm kidding.
On a serious note, it'd be interesting to see how long the current state of affairs continue. And if all else fails (because no one ever gets younger), one can always make the best of the situation and be Fit and Fabulous while attaining financial security.
Repeat it with me now: I am Thin and Gorgeous! Now make sure you at least have the semblance of the former before saying it. Certainly if you intend to plant anyone's hands on your waist. Haha.
4 comments:
25 is considered aging? Now I'm starting to feel ancient...
No no, 30's aging. Ha ha no la, the said scale doesn't apply to fit and happy Yogis :)
Aelgtoer, I am wondering how old you are... =)
well, I think for women it's other way around. The older we get the less expactations we have for the person we can marry
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