Aunt Aggy.

Having done matri for almost 5 months now, I’ve gotten used to the strange kinds of calls I get from clients. From the usual ‘My husband ah, is too much. Today ah, you know ah, he suddenly discontinue my daughter’s giro school account. This man is too much! I want to put him in jail.’ To the more frenzied ‘My husband/wife ran away with the kids!’

You would think ‘matrimonial matters’ is a catch all aunt aggy phrase for ‘call the lawyer when any thing crops up’. But I’ve never gotten the ‘I think my son is gay. Help!’ kind of call. Until Friday that is. The client, one of the more inquisitive ones (till she sees the bill), called again sounding more than a little frazzled. To be fair, her call wasn’t entirely off topic, it related indirectly to a tit for tat PPO application her husband had filed against his teenage son in retaliation for a PPO the client had applied for on behalf of her son, a handsome 17 year old chap, after he was set upon by a rabid father.

Client sounded more frazzled than usual. “Er I don’t know how to say this but the computer repair man came over the other day to repair my son’s computer and he found some er strange photos which he passed to me.” ” I looked at them and they were really strange but maybe is nothing you know.” Which naturally piqued my interest.

“What kind of photos were they?” Another Pause. “Er its really quite disturbing and when I saw one of them I really had a heart attack. There was this photo where he was holding something in his hand and putting his mouth around it and he was looking at the photo and…..” That definitely got my attention. “What thing?”
“ It turned out to be a hotdog but the way he was putting it in his mouth and not biting it, for a moment I really thought he was doing something else…” Her voice died off. I knew she was a staunch Christian so I just couldn’t help probing further. “So you thought he was giving a blowjob to another guy did you?” “Ah!” She exploded, “I really thought he was.. gay.” With the deep concern and mild consternation one would reserve for a family member or close friend who suddenly ended up at IMH. ”He looked like he was doing it you know. I was so scared but there was another photo which zoomed out and showed the background. So ya it wasn’t that thing but still I had a shock when I saw it.”

Whereupon I informed her that the ’hotdog’ prank was an old one, albeit done by cheeky horny straight boys easily amused by anything that looks remotely phallic and can be portrayed in a sexual matter. The Crush in jc even did stuff like going down on other guys crotches and blowing on them whereupon he would proudly declare that he had just given a 'blowjob'.

She sounded relieved at first “Yes boys at this age are just naughty, nothing wrong, right?” Wrong I thought, mentally adding up my sexcapades at the not so virginial age of 17. But the hotdog prank has been around forever and I saw no reason to agitate her further if that was all it was. But it wasn't.

The doubt quickly crept back into her voice.“Er but there's something that really worries me you know. I prayed about it but I don't know what to do. So I thought I should ask you in case his father finds out.” The irony of it all. Panicky devout Christian mother asking her gay matri lawyer for advice on potentially gay son. But a job is a job and charging a client to play aunt aggy isn't too bad.

Without waiting for me to continue, she went on, frantic and breathless, “ But I saw this other photo. And this one really really really gave me a shock. My son was kissing another boy and they were smiling at the camera. And it was in his room! And that boy just came over the other day!” At which stage she sounded like she was hyperventilating and semi hysterical, so it was time to use the “Rein in distraught, emotional client' SOP. “They're just playing around right right?” She queried.

“ Well boys at that age tend to be rather playful... Was it like a simple peck on the cheek or a full kiss?” “They were kissing with their lips locked, full kiss, I was so shocked, I still am. Is he gay? Is he? Oh god.” she wailed. Tempted as I was to give her a earful on so what if your son is gay, I resisted. Professional decorum must be maintained at all times. Which was the same reason why I didn't say well I could conduct a closed door interview session with your son just to ascertain whether he's gay, you know guy to guy talk (or guy on guy action rather hur hur) and uttered a sympathetic and purely professional 'oh dear'.

Distraught client once again sought confirmation on what she wanted to hear, that her precious boy was just being precocious and is in reality as straight as an arrow. An assurance I refused to give and indeed took a little perverse pleasure in informing her in no uncertain terms that her son might very well be gay. Two straight guys do not 'liplock' and smile at the camera unless they're actors and paid big bucks to do so or stone drunk and on a dare. 'But the guy didn't stay overnight, he only came in the afternoon and left later.'

I figured the ' They don't need to wait till night to have sex you know' retort would be too much for her to bear. It's amazing how genuinely distraught and prejudicial some parents get when they learn their child isn't straight. I guess ultimately that is the litmus test after all you know people who are fine with other strangers or even friends who happen to be gay but god forbid their children to ever disclose they're gay. The schizophrenic dichotomy akin to the perennial debate over the we have the law (S377A , Penal Code) but choose not to enforce it conundrum(or enforce it when 'deemed' to be necessary).

Parents' concerns are understandable in the sense that most parents would like to have their children grow up and have a family etc but at the end of the day treating your child as if he/she has a mental problem simply because of his/her orientation doesn't help the kid at all, much less endear him or her to them. Not to mention the boatload of ludicrous pre-conceived notions about homosexuality and what it entails.

In other news, between the different classes played and the hours spent on Warhammer, I've finally decided on starting a Dark Elf Disciple of Khaine character as my first character when headstart starts in a little under 9 hours.

Apart from the lithe and aesthetically pleasing body and movements, there is something particularly vicious about a Dark Elf Disciple. From the wicked curved swords to the way they carve up enemies like Thanksgiving turkey to the utter disdain they have for their opponents. Vemyra (the Disciple character I played) occasionally uttered 'Scum' in a voice dripping with contempt when she dispatched a mob or a enemy order player or screeched , “How dare you!” when taking a beating from a particulaly annoying mob or player.

It's a game with character, now an additional avenue of destressing includes picturing particularly annoying client's at the receiving end of Vemyra's blades. ^^